[T] Perfect as a von Karma (Revised demo available) ○○○○○○

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AceAttorneyMaster111
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[T] Perfect as a von Karma (Revised demo available) ○○○○○○

Post by AceAttorneyMaster111 »

Perfect as a von Karma
Image
:fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran:

Welcome to AceAttorneyMaster111's first Case Series, Perfect as a von Karma! This series is set approximately one year after Phoenix is disbarred. Currently, there is a demo of the first case released, which can be found below. By the way, to play any section other than the prologue of the first case, you need a password which you will receive at the end of the previous section. *This is meant to be played in AAOV6* Here is a summary of all of the cases, and when they have been released, a walkthrough:

The Turnabout to Escape

Spoiler : Spoilers :
Story: AA, AJ, GK2 (very little), possibly AAI
Character: AA, AJ, possibly JFA or AAI
Music: AA, JFA, T&T
Spoiler : Summary :
A certain convict was killed trying to escape from prison, and little Pearly got arrested. :pearl: Nick's disbarred. :hobo: Edgey's out of the country. Grodyburger's too old. :grossberg: Mia's dead :mia: (and Maya's powers are weak). So, who will Maya chose to defend Pearly?
Spoiler : Demo Walkthrough :
PRESENT => Attorney's Badge
Gumshoe Testimony 1:
PRESS => Statement 1
PRESS => Statement 2
PRESS => Statement 3
PRESS => Statement 4
PRESS => Statement 5
PRESS => Statement 6
Turnabout Obsession

Spoiler : Summary :
An expensive Steel Samurai figurine was stolen from the Samurai museum. Mask☆DeMasque's calling card was found at the scene, but it couldn't be him because his identity was found out last year, and he publicly gave up thievery. Who could it be then? The police think it's Maya...
Turnabout in Flames

Spoiler : Summary :
While Maya is on trial for stealing the figurine, an urgent call is recieved. The crime scene is on fire, and Detective Gumshoe was found unconscious at the scene! :gumshoe: The current case must be suspended as this new predicament must be sorted out…
The Vengeful Turnabout

Spoiler : Summary :
Wait… :holdit: No spoilers yet! :sawhit: Stay tuned!
The Tomaturnabout

Spoiler : Summary :
Wait… :holdit: No spoilers yet! :sawhit: Stay tuned!
Turnabout Family

Spoiler : Summary :
Wait… :holdit: No spoilers yet! :sawhit: Stay tuned!
Credits: (More to come)
  • Capcom for the creation of the sprites and the canon storyline,
  • Unas for the hosting of the sprites, music, and sound effects,
  • Court Records for a few sound effects not in the editor,
  • therealpheonixwright for many ideas and collaboration,
  • AceAttorneyMaster111 for creating the actual case,
  • E.D.Revolution for the counter-cross-examination mental note pages,
  • Lind for the boxart,
  • Broocevelt for the custom testimony music, and
  • LagMaster163 (not an AAO user) for the security camera footage in Case 1.
Please enjoy Perfect as a von Karma!
Last edited by AceAttorneyMaster111 on Sat Mar 19, 2016 8:24 pm, edited 21 times in total.
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Re: [T] Perfect as a von Karma (Demo available) ○○○○○○

Post by Nikitaw99 »

AceAttorneyMaster111 wrote:AceAttorneyMaster111 for creating the actual case.
Why do you leave credits to yourself? xD
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Re: [T] Perfect as a von Karma (Demo available) ○○○○○○

Post by Sleuth »

Hey there, played your demo. Have to say it's very well put together. More thoughts below.
Spoiler : Stream of Consciousness :
- First off, good grammar/spelling. I shouldn't really be complimenting this, but the unfortunate fact is that quite a few first cases wind up with bad grammar or spelling that makes them hard to take seriously.
- Writing out the sound effects in the dialogue box (the whole *sneak* *tiptoe* *creep* thing) makes the scene come across as a bit silly, and you lose a bit of tension in the intro.
- Not too huge a deal, but I would try to find a more fitting background for the classroom rather than the very iconic Courtroom BGs. I can see why you chose it, though, and the scene goes by quickly enough that it probably doesn't really matter.
- The prologue scene itself does strike me as odd. I feel it goes on a bit too long and feels more like homework to work our way up to the actual story when we could have recapped this or slowly unraveled it throughout the case. The hook of "wait, why is Franziska a DA now?" would likely engage the player more than the long explanations in the prologue. I suggest peppering in this intro around the lobby scenes, or during the initial "Ms. Von Karma what are you doing there" reactions. Not to sound like I'm ragging too much, I found the explanations that were given believable enough, which is the main sticking point anyways. It's not bad to have for the demo, but I would suggest trimming it down or working it in better for the full release.
- It is a bit distracting that the case against Pearl is VERY paper-thin, even for an AA case. The entire argument is "she was at the detention center, her fingerprints were on the weapon". No questions of "how on earth did a small child smuggle a weapon through a high-security area", "did a small girl even have the physical strength or mental fortitude to stab a grown man in the head", or even "what was the motive for this child to kill a man she presumably has never even met?".
- The choice of Apollo for the Prosecutor stock sprite is also a bit head-tilting. He doesn't resemble Sawhit that much (I'd say Payne is probably a closer match), and the first thing anyone will think upon seeing him is "What the hell, why is Apollo prosecuting?". If a reason turns up later, I'll redact this statement. From a story standpoint, I'd say that it is also a bit head tilting that this guy just "became a Prosecutor" in order to take this case. I think what you were going for is that "he was a defense attorney who swapped over", but that hasn't really been made clear.
- "What was the victim doing out of his cell?" I feel that the exact location of the murder wasn't established well enough. Gumshoe's statement is really the first time in-trial that it's been brought up. This could easily be fixed with Franziska saying "The halls of the prison... You mean to say that this prisoner had escaped his cell!?" or something more clear. This question is also pretty darn important, and shouldn't really be handwaved like it is.
- The knife reads "only fingerprints are those of the victim's", which I presume means to be "of the defendant."
- Oh, and there's the end. Well, good show. I posted my nitpicks above but the overall product looks pretty promising. The case in general looks well put-together and the logic hasn't left me with many gaping questions (or at least not enough to make me feel like the plot is utterly silly). I don't really have a ton to judge with only this, but I hope my thoughts have been helpful. Good luck!
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Re: [T] Perfect as a von Karma (Demo available) ○○○○○○

Post by AceAttorneyMaster111 »

Thank you, SS Sleuth!
Spoiler : Stream of Consciousness Reply :
  • Thank you! I tried to make it look like an Ace Attorney style case, and Ace Attorney doesn't have bad grammar. :sawhit:
  • What do you think I should do instead?
  • There isn't really another background that would fit. Maybe the PW era courtroom? :gumshoe:
  • I know it's long, and eventually I'll try to shorten it. Thanks!
  • I agree, but I can't think of a way to strengthen the case against :pearl: without changing the entire case. (The presumed motive will be revealed later.)
  • I don't really have a choice but to use Apollo because Payne is in one of the future cases.
  • Will do. Thanks!
  • It does? :shock: I'll definitely fix that!
:fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran: :fran:

While I'm posting, might as well give a quick update:

I'm up to coding the second witness's counter-cross-examination, and there is more to come!
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Re: [T] Perfect as a von Karma (Demo available) ○○○○○○

Post by Enthalpy »

Going off of Sleuth's comments, have you considered strengthening the prosecution's case, even if it means changing the case?

Police in Ace Attorney may not be the brightest, but they do investigate crimes and have a reasonably strong case to bring by the time we get to court. In a case like this, there has been no investigation. Wouldn't we expect the police to at least look for evidence? Wouldn't we expect the police to at least look at the issue of why Pearl would kill anybody, how she could have stabbed a grown man in the head, what the knife was doing so far from the body, and how a murder in prison even happened in the first place? Instead, the police ignore all these questions and just accuse the first remotely suspicious person they so without even checking if there was another reason for Pearl's prints on the knife (like what Mike Meekins saw).

When the prosecution doesn't do this in an Ace Attorney game, the case doesn't feel right. Rather than the case feeling like a challenge we need to overcome, it feels underwhelming. If Franziska would just say "Mike Meekins can testify that the fingerprints don't incriminate Pearl" at all, the case would be pretty much over. So even though Pearl is being prosecuted, it's hard to take it seriously because the prosecution's case is so silly. A well-design case, by contrast, should never have this problem, and should instead be somewhat intimidating to the player.

I would very strongly encourage you to change the case around so that the case against Pearl is stronger, and the prosecution addresses all these obvious questions.
[D]isordered speech is not so much injury to the lips that give it forth, as to the disproportion and incoherence of things in themselves, so negligently expressed. ~ Ben Jonson
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Re: [T] Perfect as a von Karma (Demo available) ○○○○○○

Post by lumine »

Please don't jump around in second person to different characters. It makes the flow of the plot feel contrived.

Unless you're doing it on purpose, the protagonist only appears on screen during trial.

Certain characters don't appear to sound authentic. For example, Franziska von Karma doesn't appear as witty or brash as she should be. You are on the right track though.

The logic of certain scenes should be revised. Von Karma was far to easily convinced to defend Pearl... and getting an attorneys badge was so simple I feel like Gumshoe could do it.
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Re: [T] Perfect as a von Karma (Demo available) ○○○○○○

Post by AceAttorneyMaster111 »

Thank you, Enthalpy and lumine! Now that you mention it, I agree that the proof against Pearl needs extension, and I will try to work on the OOCness of :fran: . However, I made the prologue in second-person on purpose, and Franzy's forward facing sprites will not appear anywhere else in the case.

Thanks again for the feedback,
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Re: [T] Perfect as a von Karma (Demo available) ○○○○○○

Post by AceAttorneyMaster111 »

Important announcement:

The demo will be down for maintenance in about 24 hours, at around 11:00 AM Eastern Time.

Thank you for your patience!
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Re: [T] Perfect as a von Karma (Demo available) ○○○○○○

Post by Domyce432 »

Finally. I was hoping a progress. :P

And... I think that you maybe want to use courtroom sprites...? This thread has got everything you want.
Just download the Master Template and open it on Paint.net. :D
"The only time a lawyer can cry is when it's all over"
- Diego Armando.
Credit do Ceres/Mr. Incognito for designing the boxart template I used for my Boxart(s)!
Credit to everyone who supported me and my project!

OPEN THIS FOR MORE INFO
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Re: [T] Perfect as a von Karma (Demo available) ○○○○○○

Post by AceAttorneyMaster111 »

The demo is now down for maitnaince.
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Re: [T] Perfect as a von Karma (Demo available) ○○○○○○

Post by AceAttorneyMaster111 »

The demo is now back up with new features!
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Re: [T] Perfect as a von Karma (Demo available) ○○○○○○

Post by Enthalpy »

I played through the redone version. It didn't seem like much had changed, but I hadn't gotten very far into the trial section the first time I played this.

The main thing I saw is that your characters don't talk/react to much. I'll give you an example.
Spoiler : Your First Press Conversation :
Franziska:
In the halls of the prison? So, he escaped from his cell?

Gumshoe:
Well, I guess so.

Ephron:
It doesn't matter what the victim was doing, the point is he was killed!

Franziska:
Very well. Continue, Scruffy.
You make such a major point into a footnote. While it also isn't good to waste frames and ramble... There's a way to make this more balanced. Consider the following alternative:
Spoiler : My First Draft of Your First Press Conversation :
Franziska:
In the halls of the prison? So, he escaped from his cell?

Gumshoe:
Well, I guess so.

Franziska:
Imprecision will not be tolerated, Scruffy!

Franziska:
Not only is this marring my perfect case, but this is a jailbreak you're talking about!

Franziska:
How could that have happened?!

Ephron:
It doesn't matter what the victim was doing, the point is he was killed!

Judge:
...Overruled, Mr. Ephron. While the court understands how you feel about your brother, how he escaped his cell does seem important.

Ephron:
Hmph.

Franziska:
(The fool... Was he really hoping he could get that question stricken?)

Gumshoe:
We're... still investigating, sir.

Gumshoe:
The murder has taken priority, and we don't have many leads to work with right now...

Judge:
You mean there was a jailbreak, and the police have no idea how it happened?!

Gumshoe:
Well, he was still in the halls, so--

Franziska:
No excuses, Scruffy!

Franziska:
(Foolishly foolish fool... If he was my witness, I'd give him a good whipping as soon as this case was over.)

Franziska:
But if you've been focusing your energies on the case, answer this: Why was Pearl Fey arrested?

Gumshoe:
Well...
I'd like to emphasize that the difference between these two dialogues isn't so much length, but content. Your dialogue felt cut short, like the characters weren't allowed to say everything on their minds. Mine (while cut a bit short because I don't know what your answer about how the victim left) gives a lot more freedom to the characters to talk, without being obnoxiously long. Something like this deserves to be more than glanced over!

If you'd like, I can give you some additional examples.
[D]isordered speech is not so much injury to the lips that give it forth, as to the disproportion and incoherence of things in themselves, so negligently expressed. ~ Ben Jonson
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Re: [T] Perfect as a von Karma (Demo available) ○○○○○○

Post by AceAttorneyMaster111 »

Thank you, Enthalpy! :D I completely see what you're saying that the press conversations need more content. On my next maintenance, that will definitely be something to fix, but for now I will continue where I left off:
AceAttorneyMaster111 in an earlier post wrote:I'm up to coding the second witness's counter-cross-examination, and there is more to come!
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Re: [T] Perfect as a von Karma (Demo available) ○○○○○○

Post by Enthalpy »

This shows up a lot in press conversations, but it's also a factor in conversations in general. I can give you an example if you'd like.
[D]isordered speech is not so much injury to the lips that give it forth, as to the disproportion and incoherence of things in themselves, so negligently expressed. ~ Ben Jonson
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Re: [T] Perfect as a von Karma (Demo available) ○○○○○○

Post by AceAttorneyMaster111 »

Sure, may I please have an example outside of a cross-examination? Thank you so much for helping me!
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