[T][CE] The Broken Turnabout ★

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Enthalpy
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Re: [T][CE] The Broken Turnabout ●

Post by Enthalpy »

☆ This case is pending a QA inspection to be featured.
[D]isordered speech is not so much injury to the lips that give it forth, as to the disproportion and incoherence of things in themselves, so negligently expressed. ~ Ben Jonson
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Re: [T][CE] The Broken Turnabout ☆

Post by kwando1313 »

GOOD.

Also, good luck~ (I'm pretty sure you'll pass buuuuuuut... xP)
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Re: [T][CE] The Broken Turnabout ☆

Post by Evo »

Good luck!

I'll play the newest version and give a detailed review when college is leaving me something resembling free time, which... might not be any time soon :cry:
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Re: [T][CE] The Broken Turnabout ☆

Post by Tardive »

Enjoyed the case gj man. What and where can find the remastered music you used during the trials?
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Re: [T][CE] The Broken Turnabout ☆

Post by Calvinball »

@tardive: All music used in The Broken Turnabout exists in the AAO case editor. We have quite the nice variety here hosted right on the site! ^-^

Also, kwando1313 and Evolina deLuna, thank you for the support! It's a bit nerve-wracking, but I've given it my all so all I can do is wait to see what happens!
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Re: [T][CE] The Broken Turnabout ☆

Post by Mathias_Trueman »

Good luck on getting Featured... but I don't think you'll need it, this case was pretty awesome. This was really fun to play, and it felt really cool to solve the case again without using any supernatural abilities (magatama/bracelet/etc.).

There was one point about the case I felt iffy about though;
Spoiler : Newspaper & Revenge :
When Kristoph claims to be getting revenge on Vera for betraying him, I felt like Apollo could have presented the news article where Kristoph claims to want revenge on Apollo and Wright. Notably the quote didn't include Vera.

Kristoph's claim was that he was silent because he didn't want to betray his partner, but now that he knows she left him to be guilty he is coming out with the truth. If this is true then Vera 'betrayed him' a long time ago, and Kristoph would have known as soon as the first trial ended. He should have been calling for revenge on Vera since the beginning of his long, dragged out Appeals process, and he wasn't. The fact that Vera isn't called out as a target of his revenge in this newspaper (dated from the time of the first trial I believe) is evidence of him making up the story.

(If you could clear this up for me I'd appreciate it.)
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Re: [T][CE] The Broken Turnabout ☆

Post by Calvinball »

Spoiler : @Mathias_Trueman: :
I'm glad you enjoyed the case, and thank you for the support! Taking away the bracelet and Mood Matrix was part necessity (as I have no idea how to program either) but it worked extremely well as another way to force the player into a helpless corner and, hopefully, encourage an even stronger feeling of determination to win the day.

Your question about Kristoph Gavin saying he's trying to get revenge on Vera is definitely understandable; the "explanation" is briefly mentioned during the trial. Gavin says that the verdict of the trial left him in a "haze." In other words, he was so blinded by the "shock" of being found guilty of a "crime he didn't commit" that he couldn't think straight for a long time, possibly months. By the time he'd "realized what had happened" it was "too late" ... until, of course, he managed to get the Jurist System rejected in its entirety. Basically, Gavin's claim is that it took him awhile to put two and two together and "realize that the only way he could still be in prison was if Vera had never confessed and thus betrayed him, leaving him to rot in prison."

I hope that explains the matter. Thank you very much for your comments and the support!
The score is still Q to 12. Shirley Homes avatar by my Invisible Friend. They're an awesome artist!
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A huge thanks to my Invisible Friend for this AMAZING Shirley Homes art!

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A big thanks to gotMLK7 for this Shirley Homes and Connie Harper art. He is an awesome artist!
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Re: [T][CE] The Broken Turnabout ☆

Post by Enthalpy »

QA Review: The Broken Turnabout

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Bribery shall not save you. And I prefer physical chemistry to organic chemistry anyways.
Broken is one of the last things you would expect on Ace Attorney Online. We have our locked room cases. We have some narratively-driven cases. But a case that takes place in Ace Attorney's narrative world without trying to redefine it?! This may be a first for us. So how does this innovative trial fare against our QA standards? Answers below!
_____________________________________________________
For Check #1, I'll be stealing borrowing and then modifying Evolina's format.
In [url=http://aceattorney.sparklin.org/forum/viewtopic.php?p=380232#p380232]Case featuring and QA[/url], ShadowEdgeworth wrote:They check that it has an overall story and gameplay of astounding quality; it should be really engaging, have interesting contradictions and be really fun.
– The Sparkling Feature Star is given for an aspect that makes your trial stand out even among the featured trials. Getting a Sparkling Feature Star means your trial is pretty much guaranteed to be featured after implementing the changes from check 2, unless it gets a Hollow Star.
+ – The Great Plus means that this aspect makes your good trial great. You don't need a Great Plus in every category, but you should have at least one Great Plus or Sparkling Feature Star for the trial to be featured.
✓✓ – The Double Check Mark means that this aspect is good enough for a featured trial. Almost everything in this area works solidly, but it lacks a "wow" factor. An otherwise great aspect that requires some non-trivial tweaking falls in here.
– The Single Check Mark means that this aspect can be good enough for a featured trial, but requires not major, but non-trivial modifications to make it truly solid. You must not have any Single Check Marks in order to pass Check 2.
– The Hollow Star marks a problem that can't be fixed without a major rewrite. A trial must not have any Hollow Stars in order to pass Check 1. If you get one, don't be discouraged! Remember that a Hollow Star is only a star that hasn't been filled yet. It's something you can work on when improving this trial or writing your next one, and once you've worked on it, go for another QA review!
Spoiler : Check #1: Here Be Spoilers! :
Contradictions and Cross-Examinations: ✓✓

Broken simply is not intended to be a mystery, so "good but not great" is perhaps the most you can ask for. Every contradiction was fair. Every cross-examination did what it was supposed to and made sense for the court to have. Kristoph's short, tight testimony worked very well for forcing the "what IS this?!" reaction you want. The contradiction with Brushel, and more importantly Franziska's explanation of it, do the same, providing a nice escalation. You had nice touches in explaining why we couldn't present Phoenix as somebody to give his version of events, and the game remembered when we had just gone down a line of argument. All good!

Everything definitely worked here, but there were no real, "oh, that's clever!" or "this changes EVERYTHING!" moments as far as contradictions and cross-examinations went, nor ones that were satisfying puzzles in and of themselves. All the satisfaction came from what you were doing narratively, so the cross-examinations themselves were not worthy of a Great Plus.

Dialogue and Characterization: +

What Broken is intended to be, however, is a story about Phoenix, Franziska, and the aftermath of AJ-4, so this area is naturally much more important. (And as a miscellaneous point, kudos to you in doing so much in less than 2500 frames!)

Let me start out by saying that your characterization of everybody is really solid! Vera has made progress since AJ-4, but is still "reality-defyingly waifish." Apollo's banter with Trucy and Athena is perfect, and Athena is generally good - muted a bit, perhaps, but she feels like a more tolerable version of herself. Apollo feels right as well, avoiding the trap of making him too Phoenix-y, Kristoph's trolling the whole time worked out splendidly, and I liked the new direction for the judge's brother. Ema is decent, nothing really remarkable there. You were, however, able to insert nice, small touches all around the place, like Edgeworth's annoyance at Klavier's accent.

That leaves the two stars of our show, Phoenix and Franziska. We see little of Phoenix, but it works. Turning more to Phoenix's aloof, chess-mastery persona than his DD self is a good choice. Franziska is just all-around-solid, avoiding the trap of reducing her to "I AM PERFECT YOU FOOL" and giving her a compelling motivation for what happens in this case. However, most of this isn't quite a characterization point so much as it is...

Narrative and Atmosphere:

This trial does two things really well that I don't think Ace Attorney Online has ever seen before. One, present a case that takes place in Ace Attorney's narrative world without trying to redefine it, and secondly, to use cross-examinations as a very powerful narrative tool. Taking these one at a time...

Unlike a lot of Ace Attorney Online trials, this case actually has a story behind it that "fits" with Ace Attorney. I can actually see the events of this trial being canon, not just in-universe, but out-of-universe as well. This "fits" with the characters and the values of the AA universe. This is no slight on Assistant's Turnabout, but that case wants to mess with the "foundational facts and ideas" of the AA world. This case does not do that, and yet is still able to present a really compelling story. Now, the story is somewhat subdued. Phoenix and Franziska's quests for revenge are the center of the story, but usually aren't in the limelight. And yet, there's a complete story here, and one that fits into who these characters are. This case is something like fanfiction at its zenith.

This trial also does something the canon games do, but a lot of games here do not - use the actual trial to establish the atmosphere and the general "shape" of the narrative! All of Franziska's objections, and every cross-examination makes the noose around the defense grow tighter, and things escalate until it hits the climax. Having all of the old evidence thrown out? Franziska coming up with a radical new stamp theory? Having Kristoph Gavin on the stand with such a preposterous theory, where we land a few hits only to have them rebuffed? Wonderful!

...There are some points here that I would like to expand on (the character implications of this story on Franziska, and an in-depth look of how the specifics of the trial raise tension), but a QA review isn't quite the place for them.

Other: Not Applicable
Proceeding onwards then.
Spoiler : Check #2: Minimal Spoilers :
Presentation and Bugs:
F145: This is pedantic, but add a line break to the blue text, so it looks better.
F217: Next pedantic fix: Move "It" onto the next line down.
F220: Same thing with "a." If you can make the lines look more symmetrical without changing the dialogue, do so.
F1394: Again, re-wrap the words so they can look nicer.
F1872: Again, word wrap.
F1998: Word wrap again.
F2022: Again, word wrap/spacing.

Writing and Characterization:
The organic joke runs on a bit long for my tastes, but that is not a major problem, since the player can just skip past it. This change isn't required.
F590: This seems a good place for a pause from Vera. In this little spot, she hasn't been pausing enough.

Proofreading and Clarification:
F8, F28, F91, F2449, F630, F842, F990, F1119, F1139 F1425, F1568, F2050, F2147, F2236, F2269 (x2), F2325, F2349: Use a comma before joining two independent clauses, e.g., I'm Apollo Justice, and I'm fine!
F79: The sentence sounds awkward because you would never say, "She could hardly talk and expressed herself using drawings." It sounds like "expressed" should share in the "could" of talk, but that doesn't work either. I tried a couple fixes in the editor, and all but one ran onto four lines. You'll probably have to split this frame in two or reword to (When I first met her, she expressed herself by drawing and could hardly talk without fainting.)
F165: Again, this is pedantic, but "protege" is not "protégé."
F206: "Its effectiveness was proven." sounds awkward because of the change in subject to "effectiveness." Consider "It was proven effective," or "It was shown to work," or something like that.
F393: cyclohexene
F1139: And while there is a certain science to "tells," it is hardly evidence that a witness is lying.
F1434: You're -> Your
F1707: life, you
F2219: Comma splice.
F2267: Comma splice.
F2294: Pedantic accent on the e's in protege.

Sprites and Graphics:
F2019: Change to an Objection! bubble.

Music and Sound Effects:
While not required, on F4, F2444, and F5, consider replacing the "new evidence" sound with an actual "phone ringing" sound. You can start digging here. The same applies to the F6 phone click.
I wasn't fond of the "Guitar's Serenade" choice at the end, due to the mispronounced English. This isn't a required change.

Differences from AA Games:
F37, F91, F236, F251, F270, F2512, F393, F395, F396, F798, F828, F960, F1043, F1060, F1307, F1344, F1351, F1407, F1412, F1422, F1761, F1938, F2439, F2154, F2171, F2354, F2363: Remove the space right before the ellipsis.
F287: Ema's munching should be green.

Logic and Gameplay:
None.
There's less there than I would expect, but this game has been extensively tested by some very good people (including 2 of the QA team).
_____________________________________________________
Spoiler : VERDICT :
★ The case is good enough to be featured. Please make the requested changes.
[D]isordered speech is not so much injury to the lips that give it forth, as to the disproportion and incoherence of things in themselves, so negligently expressed. ~ Ben Jonson
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Re: [T][CE] The Broken Turnabout ☆

Post by Bad Player »

Enthalpy wrote:Bribery shall not save you.
Except when it does.

Gratz~
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Re: [T][CE] The Broken Turnabout ☆

Post by gavinnersroadie »

Congratulations!
Let's have a link party! HYAAUGH!

AJ:AA fifth case (in progress): http://aceattorney.sparklin.org/player. ... l_id=74903, http://aceattorney.sparklin.org/player. ... l_id=75312
PW:AA/Hunger Games crossover: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/9921478/1/ ... ce-Tribute
PW:AA:DD/Hunger Games crossover: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10668624/1 ... -Destinies
Inquisitor Barnham backstory thing (PLvAA): https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11034506/1 ... abyrinthia
Dangan Ronpa fangame/fanblog thing (in progress): http://thehoteldespair.tumblr.com/
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Re: [T][CE] The Broken Turnabout ☆

Post by Calvinball »

Oh my gosh... just wow... WOW! Thank you so much to everyone who helped The Broken Turnabout get this far! For my first fancase to receive a Featured status, well, it's really an honor! Thank you for the congratulations, Bad Player, gavinnersroadie!
Holy cow, you don't know how excited I am, I literally had to read through that QA review twice just to calm down enough to start typing this.
Spoiler : @ Enthalpy (slight spoilers, but not all that much really, nothing specific at all, just maybe about what the case will be like as you play) :
I'm so glad that you enjoyed the trial and considered it as innovative as you did. Honestly, I wasn't trying to do something crazy, or anything, I just wanted to make a case that I felt had to be made. It was a story that had to be explored. The inner muse demanded it! That sort of thing, if you get it? Also, could you PM me or post in the thread those thoughts on "the character implications of this story on Franziska, and an in-depth look of how the specifics of the trial raise tension?" I'd be really interested in seeing them.
I will be sure to implement all of the necessary presentational edits at once. Enthalpy, when I'm done, should I post here again or send a message to you?
The score is still Q to 12. Shirley Homes avatar by my Invisible Friend. They're an awesome artist!
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Enthalpy
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Re: [T][CE] The Broken Turnabout ☆

Post by Enthalpy »

A PM would be preferred, since I'll read it faster.

Reading over the review again, I did see one slip-up on my part. It wasn't that innovation is inherently a good thing; I'd argue that it isn't, and that innovation for the sake of innovation usually goes wrong. The two things I highlighted are good in themselves, and I was more commenting on how peculiar it is that they've been foreign to AAO so far - that thought has been in the back of my mind for a lot of this second playthrough, but again, it wasn't quite fitting for the QA review. I'll save it for the follow-up, with the character and narrative-CE thoughts. I expect to happen in... about a week, and if you don't mind, I'd like to post it here.
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Re: [T][CE] The Broken Turnabout ☆

Post by Calvinball »

Ah, I understand. And posting the follow-up here would be great. Thank you so much again! I still haven't quite properly calmed down, eheheh...
The score is still Q to 12. Shirley Homes avatar by my Invisible Friend. They're an awesome artist!
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A huge thanks to my Invisible Friend for this AMAZING Shirley Homes art!

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A big thanks to gotMLK7 for this Shirley Homes and Connie Harper art. He is an awesome artist!
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Re: [T][CE] The Broken Turnabout ☆

Post by kwando1313 »

Gratz on the featuring~

(Though, it was pretty obviously coming.)
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Re: [T][CE] The Broken Turnabout ☆

Post by Reverie »

Congrats - the trial definitely deserved it.
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