Turnabout The First

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TheSenate27
Posts: 8
Joined: Mon Apr 16, 2018 6:47 pm
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English

Turnabout The First

Post by TheSenate27 »

Hi,
This will be my first AAO trial.
Apologies for some floating sprites.
Report any bugs too.
http://www.aaonline.fr/player.php?trial_id=102649
Gamer2002
Posts: 559
Joined: Thu Jan 22, 2009 10:51 pm

Re: Turnabout The First

Post by Gamer2002 »

AAO community is pretty anemic this days, when it comes to posting feedback. Especially for newcomers' trials. But I'll try to give some pointers.
Spoiler : :
Good practice is to hide all profiles and evidences and reveal them only after the intro.

>Every Ace Attorney online case...
>Starts this way.
>A Cryptic, philisophical talk...
>That is somehow to do with the case.
I like you already.
Good thing that none of my cases start this way. Turnabout Siblings is bit cryptic, but isn’t really philosophical.

>Well, It's like this, Trite.
It should be lower-case. Also, if I’m noticing grammar errors, it’s bad.

>I'm Standing outside the room Sahwit was in.
Should be “I was standing outside the room Sahwit was in”

Talk between Godot and Phoenix was rushed, though not outrageously OOC. I’m still not sure how serious the tone of your case is supposed to be, but generally, their meeting shouldn’t feel like it was happening in front of shared office’s coffee machine.

Also, you need to time your frames for stuff like gallery speaking or the gavel.

Godot is shouting objection, but the text is hold it. Also, no timers.

Somehow, you don’t have prosecution bench.

There is also no witness stand.

So, anyway. You are using AJ judge bench, lacking a bench PW prosecution bench, lacking stand PW witness stand and some original defense bench (with a bench). You should try to be consistent and with benches.

>I attempt to prove that Diego Armando was the culprit.
Should be I’ll

As for computer prosecutor, seems like a little funny idea for a comedy trial.

Frame with Larry and Gummy has messed up background.

>He's an assistant detective.I like having an assistant detective around.Especially after...my incident.
Space bars exist.

Witness testimony doesn’t have to be in quotation marks.

After the computer object, there is some new unknown background.
I went through the first CE (the contradiction was fine) and I think it’s enough.

This is clearly your first trial. You didn’t time frames that should time timed, there is plenty of frames with 4 lines and you make some odd choices with the backgrounds. You need to familiarize yourself with the editor and not make such mistakes (maybe you had some artistic idea with the backgrounds, but I don’t get it).

Writing wise, characterization is bare-bones. As I looked through the editor, plenty of crazy stuff happens in the story. Crazier than the trial being used to test a computer prosecutor put on a witness stand, which allowed for the defendant to be put behind the prosecution’s bench. Perhaps this trial is a comedy, but you didn’t mark it in such a way.

Either way, the writing didn’t hook me. Even a comedy needs good jokes and the computer prosecutor was just fine. And since you also make some other mistakes with the editor, and also make bizarre background choices, and also make grammatical errors that I notice… Yeah, this made me lose my interest. And will do the same for anybody.

Still, don’t be discouraged. Nobody's first trial is good, or even passable. If you wish to continue case making, familiarize yourself with the editor. If English isn’t your native language, like it isn’t my, get somebody’s help with it. If it is, work on it a bit.

Also, firmly state if your trial is supposed to be a comedy or is supposed to be taken seriously. So far, this looked like an entry for the previous comp, which was about making purposefully bad trials.
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Enthalpy
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Re: Turnabout The First

Post by Enthalpy »

Having just played this...

What did I just play? I'm honestly not sure what this trial is supposed to be. It isn't a comedy or a serious case, so did you just put random ideas into the editor, or is there some method behind the madness?
[D]isordered speech is not so much injury to the lips that give it forth, as to the disproportion and incoherence of things in themselves, so negligently expressed. ~ Ben Jonson
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Ferdielance
Posts: 778
Joined: Sun Mar 09, 2008 12:46 am
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English

Re: Turnabout The First

Post by Ferdielance »

Review:

Two trials like this would be too many, but one is just enough. I'm giving this a baffled thumbs-up.
Spoiler : I mean :
I would normally say the Undertale references were derivative... but fixing the press button after breaking it was pretty good.
"A slow sort of country!" said the Queen. "Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!"
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