[T] [DD] Ares Oculus: Turnabout Swan Song

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DetectiveWhite
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Re: [T] [DD] Ares Oculus: Turnabout Swan Song

Post by DetectiveWhite »

It's time for judgment.
Spoiler : :
-I must say that I am impressed with the way you told the story, very good and without any mistakes, besides everything fits perfectly. I give you a 10/10 in writing.

-The main character is interesting, fun and intelligent, it is seen that he does not take much of the bluff to continue, but... I'm not much of a fan of characters who already seem to know everything from the start, or who find out everything fast, or are simply genius, maybe I'm judging wrong, but for me Ares is almost a Professor Layton mixed with Phoenix Wright in the way of thinking.
He doesn't use bluffs, but he thinks of the most crazy theories and always knows he's right, remembering that's my personal opinion. So... a 7/10 to the main character, sorry, I like him, but still giving me this vibe of genius detective/lawyer.

-About the game itself, I don't found any problem and I'm the kind of player who play all the path, right or wrongs, to find flaws to the creator improve, so, I have one bug ocurring during a scene with Charming and Ares where the screen was frozen on Charming and after that come back to Ares, and Payne's sprites are always glitching, I don't know theses problems just have happen to me, but until I know, it's a 9/10 for the game itself.

-And a extra is for the wrong answers, I know don't have logic put a bad way to all bad choices, or wrong answers, but this improve more the game in my vision.

My final note to Ares Oculus is... 9/10, it's a good game, with a good story, a good main character, have their flaws and things in my vision what is a little boring, but nothing can do damage to this case, and this "power" of Oculus was very interesting, I'm looking for more cases in the future, but if you have some already so tell me to play.
The Anwser
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Re: [T] [DD] Ares Oculus: Turnabout Swan Song

Post by The Anwser »

DetectiveWhite wrote:It's time for judgment.
Spoiler : :
-I must say that I am impressed with the way you told the story, very good and without any mistakes, besides everything fits perfectly. I give you a 10/10 in writing.

-The main character is interesting, fun and intelligent, it is seen that he does not take much of the bluff to continue, but... I'm not much of a fan of characters who already seem to know everything from the start, or who find out everything fast, or are simply genius, maybe I'm judging wrong, but for me Ares is almost a Professor Layton mixed with Phoenix Wright in the way of thinking.
He doesn't use bluffs, but he thinks of the most crazy theories and always knows he's right, remembering that's my personal opinion. So... a 7/10 to the main character, sorry, I like him, but still giving me this vibe of genius detective/lawyer.

-About the game itself, I don't found any problem and I'm the kind of player who play all the path, right or wrongs, to find flaws to the creator improve, so, I have one bug occurring during a scene with Charming and Ares where the screen was frozen on Charming and after that come back to Ares, and Payne's sprites are always glitching, I don't know theses problems just have happen to me, but until I know, it's a 9/10 for the game itself.

-And a extra is for the wrong answers, I know don't have logic put a bad way to all bad choices, or wrong answers, but this improve more the game in my vision.

My final note to Ares Oculus is... 9/10, it's a good game, with a good story, a good main character, have their flaws and things in my vision what is a little boring, but nothing can do damage to this case, and this "power" of Oculus was very interesting, I'm looking for more cases in the future, but if you have some already so tell me to play.
Thank you for playing all the way through! ^^ Now allow me to give some small response....
Spoiler : :
I'm super glad you enjoyed the writing! I pride myself on being decent at writing dialogue, so it's good to know that that pride is not misplaced!

As for the gameplay, I'm not exactly intending to revolutionize the formula, so a 9/10 is exceptionally high praise~ I will try and take a look at that bug you mentioned... but it sounds like a bug in the actual engine rather than something on my end.

As for the character of Ares himself, I'm glad to know you like him, and I entirely respect why people don't love the genius detective/lawyer trope. However, it is kind of 'the thing' that I'm going for, and to remove it would fundamentally change the plot idea I have laid out. I'm trying to add some flair to the dialogue in the next few cases so that he doesn't seem too flawless. But I'm glad you like him, regardless of that problem!
Thank you for your praise and criticism! I'll try and take it on board as best I can!
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Hey
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Re: [T] [DD] Ares Oculus: Turnabout Swan Song

Post by Hey »

The game ends when
Spoiler : :
You click on "The woman who got attacked" and then press Leave it.
Another thing about this case
Spoiler : :
is that you should definitely have it beta tested. There's a lot of problems with it aside from the grammar. Like in the testimony of Alyss when she talks about the phone call, I believe there is one statement you can press that when you press it, you hear the Hold it but no bubble. It doesn't shift to the defense after that, it only stays at Alyss.

And about Edgeworth, it kinda felt like he was a bit OOC.
I'm not saying that the case is bad, but there's a lot of problems with it. Such as the objection sounds like Oculus and Miriam usually don't line up with their Objection bubble when they appear.

Regardless of these issues, this case was enjoyable.
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Re: [T] [DD] Ares Oculus: Turnabout Swan Song

Post by The Anwser »

Hey wrote:The game ends when
Spoiler : :
You click on "The woman who got attacked" and then press Leave it.
Another thing about this case
Spoiler : :
is that you should definitely have it beta tested. There's a lot of problems with it aside from the grammar. Like in the testimony of Alyss when she talks about the phone call, I believe there is one statement you can press that when you press it, you hear the Hold it but no bubble. It doesn't shift to the defense after that, it only stays at Alyss.

And about Edgeworth, it kinda felt like he was a bit OOC.
I'm not saying that the case is bad, but there's a lot of problems with it. Such as the objection sounds like Oculus and Miriam usually don't line up with their Objection bubble when they appear.

Regardless of these issues, this case was enjoyable.
Cheers for pointing out those bugs! I'll take a look at them.
Not sure how much I can do about the objection sounds; i've battled with them every which way, but there seems to always be a pause.

And one other thing:
Spoiler : :
Could you be more specific about how you feel Edgeworth was out of character? It'd help a lot with writing his character in the future.
Glad you enjoyed the though! Thanks for taking the time to play it, and for giving some feedback!
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Hey
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Re: [T] [DD] Ares Oculus: Turnabout Swan Song

Post by Hey »

Spoiler : :
I don't know why but it sounds very off for Edgeworth to call someone by their first name. He did call Kay and Franziska by their first names but then again, he never called Maya by her first name. I think its more of the naming issue for me. I can see him doing it to someone he knows well, but I really can't see him doing it to either :apollo: or Ares. Most likely because the defense attorneys he met always ended up being called Mr.Shields or Wright.
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Re: [T] [DD] Ares Oculus: Turnabout Swan Song

Post by The Anwser »

Spoiler : :
Ooh! Very interesting point! I'll bear that in mind in the future.
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Re: [T] [DD] Ares Oculus: Turnabout Swan Song

Post by ned63 »

Played through the case; overall I really enjoyed it but I have some constructive critisism:
Spoiler : Play the case first! :
Starting with nitpicks:
From the get-go some spelling and grammar issues were apparent.
These are quite insignificant but, for me at least, do end up breaking the immersion of the case.
Some examples I can remember include writing "to" as "too", Ares saying "the key player's" instead of "players'", etc. I'd recommend trying to get someone to proofread/beta test for you? (My activity here is quite erratic but I think I could do that if you want!)
You also used UK spelling whereas the actual AA games use American spelling (e.g. "defense" instead of "defence", but that's needlessly nitpicky.
The timings of the speech bubble sound effects and timed frames seemed a bit off the whole case too.
Dual Destinies assets clash quite heavily with the DS era stuff. The joke about Athena's profile picture being very good was funny, but I think you can find DS style assets for Athena/DD Suit Phoenix around the community that would fit better (unless you want it to be Hobo Phoenix for some reason?)

In terms of more meaningful stuff:
I thought overall the plot was simple to follow and logical but there were a few instances where I feel the lines of logic were questionable. For example, Ms Charming supposedly swam through the river right(?), but surely that would get her clothes wet even if she wore them underneath her Apollo disguise? Maybe I misinterpreted the story here? I guess she could have hid them in the area beforehand? I don't feel like the way this was handled completely made sense, though forgive me if I missed something/am misremembering!
There are some gaps in Charming's plan that also seem a bit amateur for a professional assassin.
What if Apollo used a cellphone to call the police? She wouldn't have the opportunity to put in Athena's unconscious body in her place, surely?
How would she have disposed of her suit if there was no fire caused by lightning? I thought the obvious direction it was going in was "she dumped it in the river" but that route was disproved by Detective M saying they would have found it and then the fire theory came into play, so....?
How does she have all these convenient witnesses to testify for her? I guess that one could be covered by "professional assassin", but still.
As someone else mentioned, I felt Edgeworth was slightly out of character in my opinion, and to an even more minor extent Apollo, but nothing major that needs to be rewritten urgently. To be honest I'd struggle to explain why. I know "it just is" is a really crap criticism, but maybe I'll be better able to articulate it later :P
There are also several points in the case where making a wrong action leads to the game just ending. I do wish I wrote this as I played the case, not after, as I can't really remember exact details, but there were quite a few. This as well as the typos makes me feel you should get someone to betatest or do more yourself.

But on to what I loved in this case!
I really enjoy the way you write! Even if the puzzles weren't mind-blowing (it is a first case after all), reading through the story was a pleasure! I laughed out loud several times in my playthrough.
I enjoyed the parodic tone you took with the whole case, such as Miriam's frustration at being confused with Ema (for what I interpreted to be the 800th time), Ares' "Turnabout Beginnings, anyone" to take a shot at Payne (though I don't think that quite works? Edgeworth prosecutes Turnabout Beginnings, not Payne. Did you mean Turnabout Memories? I may be missing something.) etc. etc. The case used the knowledge that most people playing are going to be AA fanatics to its advantage, and I think it results in being very funny by parodying the series while still taking itself mostly seriously like a regular AA game. I'd just be weary that you don't overdo this style as I could see it rubbing some people the wrong way if you took it too far. I really loved it though.
Parodying AA aside, I thought jokes that stood on their own merit followed AA's comedic style exceptionally well too! Again, lots of laughs were had. Some dialogue was maybe a bit awkward in how it flowed but it was mostly good and, again, the jokes were on point (for my sense of humour at least).

I enjoyed all the new characters interacting with each other (though I feel the Silent Witness was, again a bit amateurish for a big scary assassin, though I guess that's kinda inevitable with having her as a Case 1 villain.)
I loved Ares; the edited Hazama sprites suited him quite well- you did a good job making a protaganist that isn't Phoenix/Apollo 2.0 whilst also not just making him Hazama in a different coloured suit (though maybe you should mention where you got the original sprite from in the credits?) His humour did remind me of what I remember of Hazama from Turnabout of Courage and Turnabout Pairs ("Just kidding" gave me flashbacks...) but he didn't just feel like the same guy with a new name he isnt an ass for one thing I look forward to learning more about him in future cases when/if they release! Miriam was also enjoyable. I could see some finding the whole "acknowledge her sprite is a canon character's" could be awkward to some but I thought it was handled pretty well, and I don't really mind reusing canon sprites as a whole.

Most contradictions felt logical to me even if most were quite easy (again, fair enough in Case 1.) Some could be polished up though like I previously mentioned but overall I thought they were good. (I REALLY wish I wrote my thoughts as I played now so I could be more specific, but hey...)

I hope I didn't give the impression that the experience was ruined by the problems I mentioned; I really enjoyed playing this and I think if you took the time to fix all the meta bugs (such as typos/the game ending where it shouldn't) and ironing out the plot, you could have something really incredible here!

Apologies if the way this was written was hard to read/understand, again I should have written my thoughts as I played.
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The Anwser
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Re: [T] [DD] Ares Oculus: Turnabout Swan Song

Post by The Anwser »

ned63 wrote:Played through the case; overall I really enjoyed it but I have some constructive critisism:
Spoiler : Play the case first! :
Starting with nitpicks:
From the get-go some spelling and grammar issues were apparent.
These are quite insignificant but, for me at least, do end up breaking the immersion of the case.
Some examples I can remember include writing "to" as "too", Ares saying "the key player's" instead of "players'", etc. I'd recommend trying to get someone to proofread/beta test for you? (My activity here is quite erratic but I think I could do that if you want!)
You also used UK spelling whereas the actual AA games use American spelling (e.g. "defense" instead of "defence", but that's needlessly nitpicky.
The timings of the speech bubble sound effects and timed frames seemed a bit off the whole case too.
Dual Destinies assets clash quite heavily with the DS era stuff. The joke about Athena's profile picture being very good was funny, but I think you can find DS style assets for Athena/DD Suit Phoenix around the community that would fit better (unless you want it to be Hobo Phoenix for some reason?)

In terms of more meaningful stuff:
I thought overall the plot was simple to follow and logical but there were a few instances where I feel the lines of logic were questionable. For example, Ms Charming supposedly swam through the river right(?), but surely that would get her clothes wet even if she wore them underneath her Apollo disguise? Maybe I misinterpreted the story here? I guess she could have hid them in the area beforehand? I don't feel like the way this was handled completely made sense, though forgive me if I missed something/am misremembering!
There are some gaps in Charming's plan that also seem a bit amateur for a professional assassin.
What if Apollo used a cellphone to call the police? She wouldn't have the opportunity to put in Athena's unconscious body in her place, surely?
How would she have disposed of her suit if there was no fire caused by lightning? I thought the obvious direction it was going in was "she dumped it in the river" but that route was disproved by Detective M saying they would have found it and then the fire theory came into play, so....?
How does she have all these convenient witnesses to testify for her? I guess that one could be covered by "professional assassin", but still.
As someone else mentioned, I felt Edgeworth was slightly out of character in my opinion, and to an even more minor extent Apollo, but nothing major that needs to be rewritten urgently. To be honest I'd struggle to explain why. I know "it just is" is a really crap criticism, but maybe I'll be better able to articulate it later :P
There are also several points in the case where making a wrong action leads to the game just ending. I do wish I wrote this as I played the case, not after, as I can't really remember exact details, but there were quite a few. This as well as the typos makes me feel you should get someone to betatest or do more yourself.

But on to what I loved in this case!
I really enjoy the way you write! Even if the puzzles weren't mind-blowing (it is a first case after all), reading through the story was a pleasure! I laughed out loud several times in my playthrough.
I enjoyed the parodic tone you took with the whole case, such as Miriam's frustration at being confused with Ema (for what I interpreted to be the 800th time), Ares' "Turnabout Beginnings, anyone" to take a shot at Payne (though I don't think that quite works? Edgeworth prosecutes Turnabout Beginnings, not Payne. Did you mean Turnabout Memories? I may be missing something.) etc. etc. The case used the knowledge that most people playing are going to be AA fanatics to its advantage, and I think it results in being very funny by parodying the series while still taking itself mostly seriously like a regular AA game. I'd just be weary that you don't overdo this style as I could see it rubbing some people the wrong way if you took it too far. I really loved it though.
Parodying AA aside, I thought jokes that stood on their own merit followed AA's comedic style exceptionally well too! Again, lots of laughs were had. Some dialogue was maybe a bit awkward in how it flowed but it was mostly good and, again, the jokes were on point (for my sense of humour at least).

I enjoyed all the new characters interacting with each other (though I feel the Silent Witness was, again a bit amateurish for a big scary assassin, though I guess that's kinda inevitable with having her as a Case 1 villain.)
I loved Ares; the edited Hazama sprites suited him quite well- you did a good job making a protaganist that isn't Phoenix/Apollo 2.0 whilst also not just making him Hazama in a different coloured suit (though maybe you should mention where you got the original sprite from in the credits?) His humour did remind me of what I remember of Hazama from Turnabout of Courage and Turnabout Pairs ("Just kidding" gave me flashbacks...) but he didn't just feel like the same guy with a new name he isnt an ass for one thing I look forward to learning more about him in future cases when/if they release! Miriam was also enjoyable. I could see some finding the whole "acknowledge her sprite is a canon character's" could be awkward to some but I thought it was handled pretty well, and I don't really mind reusing canon sprites as a whole.

Most contradictions felt logical to me even if most were quite easy (again, fair enough in Case 1.) Some could be polished up though like I previously mentioned but overall I thought they were good. (I REALLY wish I wrote my thoughts as I played now so I could be more specific, but hey...)

I hope I didn't give the impression that the experience was ruined by the problems I mentioned; I really enjoyed playing this and I think if you took the time to fix all the meta bugs (such as typos/the game ending where it shouldn't) and ironing out the plot, you could have something really incredible here!

Apologies if the way this was written was hard to read/understand, again I should have written my thoughts as I played.
Oh my! Thank you so much! This was really nice of you to write out, so let me take the time to respond!
Spoiler : :
With the various spelling mistakes, apologies about those XD I am actually dyslexic, so I do have a big problem with it. If you could give some more concrete examples, I would be more than happy to fix them, but for now, I'm just going through looking for small fixes here and there.
UK spellings are because I live in London, I know AA uses American spelling, but its way to painful for me to fix that so uh- all Ares Oculus trials are in the Queen's British, lads. Can understand why its annoying though!
And Hobo Nick is meant to be Hobo Nick. Miriam mentions a 'tracksuit', remember?

In terms of Alyss Charming's plan, I'll try and answer your uh- 'unintended contradictions' XD
First: Miss Charming placed the clothes in the boat house ahead of time, she did not wear them in the river. She couldn't predict it would be raining, so she had to assume she needed to be dry.
Second: Miss Charming had a plan to burn the clothes regardless, she just didn't use it because of the lightning strike. The lightning was a convenient way to not make it too overt to the player that she had burned the evidence.
Third: The witnesses could have been a bluff, you never know. Ares never actually calls them, he is a pretty amateur lawyer :calisto:
Fourth: I'm glad the plan felt amateurish. I'l say nothing more on this subject, for now.

Sorry about glitch game endings! I'm looking hard for all of them, the next trial shall be heavily beta tested.

And as for your other stuff, thank you so much! I'm glad you think my writing is similar to the AA style, and that you actually found it funny! All great stuff to know, hopefully I can keep up the quality in that.

(Also, oh shi- you right XD I meant 'The First Turnabout'. This is why you check your sources, kids.)

But thank you so much again! More is definitely coming... though I wouldn't expect it within the next month or so... its a biggy.

(Also, an offer of a beta tester might be super useful... I might get in contact once more of the next trial is finished...!)
butterflyeffect
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Re: [T] [DD] Ares Oculus: Turnabout Swan Song

Post by butterflyeffect »

You did a great job on your first case The Answer, I thoroughly enjoyed playing through it. The comedy during the trial was great, and they were also very well in the way that they were presented to the play, as well as being well written into the case. The different music tracks that you used were great to listen to. The writing was easy to follow and the contradictions were not that hard to find. I did happen upon some mistakes, and have some questions about the case as well.
Spoiler : :
*Athena's profile shows up before her introduction in the case.
*During any failed objections in Miriam's first testimony "Ares, you're a worse defense attorney than I though!" You should change the I to me, add 'more' before 'worse', and put Ares at the end (optional).
*In Charming's profile, the first others should be a singular other.
*In the office note, there should be an 'at' before 'the same location' in Athena's segment.
*The weather report says the rain went from 7-11:30, while Miriam says the crime happened at 11:25. Payne also describes it as just before the crime happened.
*Whenever pressing one of the red statements in Apollo's first testimony, the gotcha bubble shows up after the checkmate one.
*In Athena's medical report, it does not state she was wearing yellow, as Ares says it does during the recess.
*"Yeah no. She's currently in hospital with memory loss." Should add a 'the' before hospital. This shows up when talking with Apollo in the lobby during the recess.
"I don't think even Wright expected a rookie to take on a case like this by them self." After talking about Nick's will, 'them self' should be 'themselves'.
"So, what your plan now?" This is said by Apollo a short bit after the last one. The 'what' should be changed to a 'what's' or a 'what is'.
*Wouldn't Apollo not need to restyle his hair if his product is waterproof?
*"There's a phone box just west of the bridge's south exit." Shouldn't the west be changed to east, since the phone is on the right side of the south exit?
*The music after Ares receives the report from Alec, cuts out and cuts back in at times.
*"But you has such a scary look on your face!" Ares to Miles after the trial. The 'has' should be "have" (unless he is intentionally saying has).
*"She still have no idea what happened?" Said by Ares after Miles says Athena's health has improved. The 'have' should be a 'has'.
*Despite being given a name by Ares, Alec still has '???' in his name box.
*"But anyway... what you want? I've got a happy ending to finish!" Said by Ares to Alec after the trial. The 'what' can be switched with 'what do'.
Again, if any of the lines are intentionally written this way, they do not need to be changed unless you want them to be changed.
Aside from a few spelling errors and such, the overall case was a 10/10 for me. Good luck with your future cases and if you need any help with spellchecking, I would be glad to help you.
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Re: [T] [DD] Ares Oculus: Turnabout Swan Song

Post by The Anwser »

butterflyeffect wrote:You did a great job on your first case The Answer, I thoroughly enjoyed playing through it. The comedy during the trial was great, and they were also very well in the way that they were presented to the play, as well as being well written into the case. The different music tracks that you used were great to listen to. The writing was easy to follow and the contradictions were not that hard to find. I did happen upon some mistakes, and have some questions about the case as well.
Spoiler : :
*Athena's profile shows up before her introduction in the case.
*During any failed objections in Miriam's first testimony "Ares, you're a worse defense attorney than I though!" You should change the I to me, add 'more' before 'worse', and put Ares at the end (optional).
*In Charming's profile, the first others should be a singular other.
*In the office note, there should be an 'at' before 'the same location' in Athena's segment.
*The weather report says the rain went from 7-11:30, while Miriam says the crime happened at 11:25. Payne also describes it as just before the crime happened.
*Whenever pressing one of the red statements in Apollo's first testimony, the gotcha bubble shows up after the checkmate one.
*In Athena's medical report, it does not state she was wearing yellow, as Ares says it does during the recess.
*"Yeah no. She's currently in hospital with memory loss." Should add a 'the' before hospital. This shows up when talking with Apollo in the lobby during the recess.
"I don't think even Wright expected a rookie to take on a case like this by them self." After talking about Nick's will, 'them self' should be 'themselves'.
"So, what your plan now?" This is said by Apollo a short bit after the last one. The 'what' should be changed to a 'what's' or a 'what is'.
*Wouldn't Apollo not need to restyle his hair if his product is waterproof?
*"There's a phone box just west of the bridge's south exit." Shouldn't the west be changed to east, since the phone is on the right side of the south exit?
*The music after Ares receives the report from Alec, cuts out and cuts back in at times.
*"But you has such a scary look on your face!" Ares to Miles after the trial. The 'has' should be "have" (unless he is intentionally saying has).
*"She still have no idea what happened?" Said by Ares after Miles says Athena's health has improved. The 'have' should be a 'has'.
*Despite being given a name by Ares, Alec still has '???' in his name box.
*"But anyway... what you want? I've got a happy ending to finish!" Said by Ares to Alec after the trial. The 'what' can be switched with 'what do'.
Again, if any of the lines are intentionally written this way, they do not need to be changed unless you want them to be changed.
Aside from a few spelling errors and such, the overall case was a 10/10 for me. Good luck with your future cases and if you need any help with spellchecking, I would be glad to help you.
So glad you enjoyed! I'll fix those spelling mistakes when I get the chance, thank you so much! Also:
Spoiler : :
Yes, Apollo wouldn't need to restyle his hair; that's the point Ares was making. If Apollo's hair didn't need restyling, Miss. Charming should have noticed it during her earlier testimony.
ItsAllAboutTheTruth
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Re: [T] [DD] Ares Oculus: Turnabout Swan Song

Post by ItsAllAboutTheTruth »

Great trial! Absolutely loved your writing!

Just a suggestion though, maybe you could recruit someone to do some spelling/grammar checks for you before releasing the trial, i think you should have no trouble finding a volunteer here. There were a few grammar mistakes here and there, but nothing that made the trial any less entertaining to play!

Other than that, there's one issue that annoyed me quite a bit that i can remember without replaying the case
Spoiler : :
As it was stated by Apollo, a professional assassin should really not leave things to chance, that is not what happened with Charming, as she had to use a fire caused by lightning to get rid of her clothes, ned63 already talked about this, but i feel like i should also say it. Having to rely on something like this (both rain and fire caused by lighning were unpredictable) made her really look like an amateur who had things partially planned, but not the most essential, which is making sure you leave no proof behind. That really annoyed me, as she's supposed a top tier assassin as the likes of Shelly de Killer and Dogen, which made her "not live up to the expectations". If she already had a plan to burn the clothes but the rain forced her to improvise, that probably should be mentioned at some point during the case... Maybe you can fix these issues with some minor updates? I really wouldn't be able to tell you how, but i think it makes a relevant difference in the experience. At the very least, it made a difference to me, as it made catching the killer less exciting (not that it wasn't great, it's just one of those "could have been better" feelings).
Gonna replay the case as soon as i can to see if there were any other issues that were relevant enough for me to criticize, didn't really look for those in this playthrough as i was really enjoying everything and couldn't care less if there were some inconsistencies here or there.

But really, you did a phenomenal job for your first case, can't wait to see what comes next. Keep up the great work!
The Anwser
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Re: [T] [DD] Ares Oculus: Turnabout Swan Song

Post by The Anwser »

ItsAllAboutTheTruth wrote:Great trial! Absolutely loved your writing!

Just a suggestion though, maybe you could recruit someone to do some spelling/grammar checks for you before releasing the trial, i think you should have no trouble finding a volunteer here. There were a few grammar mistakes here and there, but nothing that made the trial any less entertaining to play!

Other than that, there's one issue that annoyed me quite a bit that i can remember without replaying the case
Spoiler : :
As it was stated by Apollo, a professional assassin should really not leave things to chance, that is not what happened with Charming, as she had to use a fire caused by lightning to get rid of her clothes, ned63 already talked about this, but i feel like i should also say it. Having to rely on something like this (both rain and fire caused by lighning were unpredictable) made her really look like an amateur who had things partially planned, but not the most essential, which is making sure you leave no proof behind. That really annoyed me, as she's supposed a top tier assassin as the likes of Shelly de Killer and Dogen, which made her "not live up to the expectations". If she already had a plan to burn the clothes but the rain forced her to improvise, that probably should be mentioned at some point during the case... Maybe you can fix these issues with some minor updates? I really wouldn't be able to tell you how, but i think it makes a relevant difference in the experience. At the very least, it made a difference to me, as it made catching the killer less exciting (not that it wasn't great, it's just one of those "could have been better" feelings).
Gonna replay the case as soon as i can to see if there were any other issues that were relevant enough for me to criticize, didn't really look for those in this playthrough as i was really enjoying everything and couldn't care less if there were some inconsistencies here or there.

But really, you did a phenomenal job for your first case, can't wait to see what comes next. Keep up the great work!
As multiple people have pointed this out, I suppose I should make things a little clearer

Full warning; what I'm about to write are spoilers for a future trial, read at your own risk.
Spoiler : :
Ares never proved that Alyss Charming was the Silent Witness. He only offered it as a potential motive.
I'm really glad you enjoyed it though! I'm working bit by bit on more trials, hopefully they won't be long coming.
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