[T] Turnabout Uprising

Find and discuss trials made by other members and showcase your own trials.

Moderators: EN - Forum Moderators, EN - Trial Reviewers

User avatar
keyz05
Posts: 52
Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2014 8:30 pm
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English
Location: Plano, TX
Contact:

Re: [T] Turnabout Uprising

Post by keyz05 »

Enthalpy wrote:First, you may want to put that in a spoiler tag.

Second, if you want the player to be surprised that the case was much more complicated than they thought, I assume you want the player to be persuaded that the vigilante really did it?
That's one thing, but the twist of it will come shortly after I release the first part of the sequel. It's usually the Investigative phase before moving on the whole meat of the plot, which is at the trial. For now, I have to plot that case into an outline, brainstorm it with ideas, and then write it down in a document known as Google Docs.

Second, I made a sequel title of the story. Named "Turnabout Requite". Like that?

P.S. I will also use the same case writing technique here in AAO from this case plus the other case I made back in 2016.
User avatar
Enthalpy
Community Manager
Posts: 5169
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2012 4:40 am
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English, limited Spanish

Re: [T] Turnabout Uprising

Post by Enthalpy »

I think you misunderstood me. I'm asking if you want the player after this case to be convinced that the vigilante is the actual criminal.
[D]isordered speech is not so much injury to the lips that give it forth, as to the disproportion and incoherence of things in themselves, so negligently expressed. ~ Ben Jonson
User avatar
keyz05
Posts: 52
Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2014 8:30 pm
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English
Location: Plano, TX
Contact:

Re: [T] Turnabout Uprising

Post by keyz05 »

Enthalpy wrote:I think you misunderstood me. I'm asking if you want the player after this case to be convinced that the vigilante is the actual criminal.
Spoiler : :
Yes, I wanted the player to be fooled that the vigilante private eye is the culprit.
User avatar
Enthalpy
Community Manager
Posts: 5169
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2012 4:40 am
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English, limited Spanish

Re: [T] Turnabout Uprising

Post by Enthalpy »

Spoiler : :
Unfortunately, that isn't happening right now.

This is what Ferdielance and I were getting at. Although there may be reasons why this evidence presents make sense to you, they didn't make much sense to me when I was playing this because I didn't know the important pieces of logic. So when Mia presents this evidence and the witness reacts to it as if they are in trouble, I'm left confused, and I'm not convinced that this witness really is the culprit. For a story like this, that's a big problem.

I don't know why the card should get him to confess, or prove anything, so I find his confession suspicious. I don't know what the affidavit has to do with a motive, so again, it does not convince me that this man is guilty.

I think that Ferdielance had some very good advice. Find someone to test the case for you and talk through the logic to make sure that it makes sense to the player. If it doesn't, a case like this isn't going to work very well.
[D]isordered speech is not so much injury to the lips that give it forth, as to the disproportion and incoherence of things in themselves, so negligently expressed. ~ Ben Jonson
User avatar
keyz05
Posts: 52
Joined: Mon Feb 17, 2014 8:30 pm
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English
Location: Plano, TX
Contact:

Re: [T] Turnabout Uprising

Post by keyz05 »

Enthalpy wrote:
Spoiler : :
Unfortunately, that isn't happening right now.

This is what Ferdielance and I were getting at. Although there may be reasons why this evidence presents make sense to you, they didn't make much sense to me when I was playing this because I didn't know the important pieces of logic. So when Mia presents this evidence and the witness reacts to it as if they are in trouble, I'm left confused, and I'm not convinced that this witness really is the culprit. For a story like this, that's a big problem.

I don't know why the card should get him to confess, or prove anything, so I find his confession suspicious. I don't know what the affidavit has to do with a motive, so again, it does not convince me that this man is guilty.

I think that Ferdielance had some very good advice. Find someone to test the case for you and talk through the logic to make sure that it makes sense to the player. If it doesn't, a case like this isn't going to work very well.
Then what can I do to do better in the sequel as I write it before showcasing it to the public? Any suggestions?
User avatar
Enthalpy
Community Manager
Posts: 5169
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2012 4:40 am
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English, limited Spanish

Re: [T] Turnabout Uprising

Post by Enthalpy »

After every contradiction and evidence present, ask yourself what information the player needs to realize this is what they need to present. Then make sure that all of those pieces of information have been given somewhere in the trial. It will probably help you most to write this down explicitly.
[D]isordered speech is not so much injury to the lips that give it forth, as to the disproportion and incoherence of things in themselves, so negligently expressed. ~ Ben Jonson
Post Reply