[T] Turnabout Carjack ★

Find and discuss trials made by other members and showcase your own trials.

Moderators: EN - Forum Moderators, EN - Trial Reviewers

User avatar
Jaxcap
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:33 pm
Spoken languages: English
Location: Tempe, AZ

Re: ☆ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by Jaxcap »

Congrats on the featured trial thing. I've only played the first part, but I thought it was pretty entertaining so far.

Here's some stuff I wrote down while playing part 1. Mostly typos. I don't really know where the sound effects are supposed to go.
Spoiler : Turnabout Carjack :
General issues:

I know Franzy is annoying, but she seems to have reverted back to JFA-style annoying-ness. Seriously, I don't remember her being quite so irritating in either T&T or AAI (I don't know if you've played that one yet, though).
In the check for the glove letter, "of" should be "off"

While playing (hopefully the frame numbers are right):

The prologue looks really nice.
44- "men" should be "man"
45- "the years" should be "my years". Also, the "very" sounds weird.
46- optional: sticks to "me" would make more sense
58- optional: comma after "well". Also, both Ron deLite admitted to stealing the Sacred Urn in GS3. I know that wasn't "robbery", but it was still the first thing I thought of when I read this line of text.
126- "your" should be "you're".
198- optional: you don't need the word "having" here.
199- instead of "on", "sitting in" or "in the car".
200- possible typo: did you mean "how" instead of "now"?
224- I'm not sure why you stopped the music here.
228- I know it's important to know what "quick test" means, but Edgeworth probably should explain why it's important here. Since he's making an objection and all.
233- Paycheck is one word.
265- "create a problem" doesn't sound right.
304- Is there some way you can make it more obvious that there's a flashback?
308- It's not really the database that's unreliable, if I'm reading this correctly. It's the test that's unreliable.
320- How does he draw that conclusion? It's totally possible that Fiz's DNA is the only DNA on the ring even if the test was not complete. Is he bluffing, or am I misunderstanding?
344- "near" the car sounds better to me.
345- I think it'd be better as "We assume that the criminal wore the glove to hide her fingerprints."
381- space between "for" and "that" needed
386- sounded kind of awkward
403- You had "detective" capitalized earlier in the trial.
474- "Lets" should be "let's" or "let us".
475- I don't see why "give you" is highlighted. It'd make more sense for "If you say yes" to be highlighed, because the point Edgeworth makes in the next frame is that Fiz DID say yes, which is why she has the ring.
Also, about this point: it doesn't prove that Fiz loved Stape. She might've just replied because she wanted the ring. I can't believe that Franzy wouldn't catch that...I mean, if it was Payne, maybe, but not Franziska.
481- There must be a better phrase you can use besides "proven wrong".
497- What Stape says in his letter isn't proof enough that Fiz had forgiven him. He could have just THOUGHT that she forgave him, while in reality she hadn't.
525- Four lines of text here.
User avatar
Meph
Posts: 13439
Joined: Mon Nov 10, 2008 10:07 pm
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English
Location: Probably Disneyland Paris... or the UK

Re: ☆ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by Meph »

Excellent. This is exactly what I needed! Thanks. :)
Jaxcap wrote:I know Franzy is annoying, but she seems to have reverted back to JFA-style annoying-ness.
That surprises me, because I thought she was being too easy!

You will find that the quality of Parts 2 and 3 are a lot better. If I recall correctly, it took me a year to make this. ;)
User avatar
Jaxcap
Posts: 10
Joined: Sat Jan 23, 2010 7:33 pm
Spoken languages: English
Location: Tempe, AZ

Re: ☆ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by Jaxcap »

Oh, yeah, I totally agree that she's easier to defeat in your case than she was in JFA. What I mean by "annoying" is her personality; how she won't listen to anything Edgeworth says even when what he's saying is reasonable, how she whips people like every five seconds, and how she's generally is a big jerk. Somehow, I expected her to be more mature, since she's older now in your case.

I'll play the other two parts some time. I want to see what happens next. :D
User avatar
Meph
Posts: 13439
Joined: Mon Nov 10, 2008 10:07 pm
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English
Location: Probably Disneyland Paris... or the UK

Re: ☆ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by Meph »

Well you're the best reviewer I've had so far. :P
Jaxcap wrote:Somehow, I expected her to be more mature, since she's older now in your case.
I tried to do that, but then I thought to play it safe.
aelie
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Mar 25, 2010 9:02 pm

Re: ★ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by aelie »

What exactly is the point of a life bar if youre going to have every penalty take off over half of the bar...

And also, overusing the "pressing anything but the correct option = penalty" mechanic gets very tiresome, especially when combined with the above problem of huge penalties
User avatar
Meph
Posts: 13439
Joined: Mon Nov 10, 2008 10:07 pm
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English
Location: Probably Disneyland Paris... or the UK

Re: ★ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by Meph »

Glad you liked it...

Here we prefer it if you use constructive criticism. ;) Try to show appreciation as well as crying out what you hate about it. :)

Anyway, welcome to the community. :)
aelie
Posts: 2
Joined: Thu Mar 25, 2010 9:02 pm

Re: ★ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by aelie »

i thought it was ok, but that was severely dampened by the fact that i had to replay most of it 3 times because one screw up took off most of your life...

and the ending was a huge stretch to me. this may be the phoenix wright world of selective law enforcement, but the fact that everyone got off with no punishment whatsoever kind of ruins any credibility the court may have. considering there was a car theft, and two people covering it up, you would expect at least something to come out of it. whether or not you had a good reason for doing so, stealing a car is still stealing a car.

it wasnt that bad though.. on a scale from 1 = garbage to 10 = one day trials from the games, ill give you a 5-6
User avatar
Meph
Posts: 13439
Joined: Mon Nov 10, 2008 10:07 pm
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English
Location: Probably Disneyland Paris... or the UK

Re: ★ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by Meph »

Thanks for the feedback. I'll make those improvements. ;)

Although I worked hard on the ending, I feel as though it was a bit rushed. But all evidence was used, so I'm happy about that. ;)
and the ending was a huge stretch to me. this may be the phoenix wright world of selective law enforcement, but the fact that everyone got off with no punishment whatsoever kind of ruins any credibility the court may have. considering there was a car theft, and two people covering it up, you would expect at least something to come out of it. whether or not you had a good reason for doing so, stealing a car is still stealing a car.
That's true, so I've changed it slightly. Although, the whole point of the story is to show what a criminal really is.
Mimi
Posts: 10382
Joined: Wed Jan 27, 2010 6:35 am
Gender: Female
Spoken languages: English: the only language I can brag about

Re: ★ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by Mimi »

I loved the first part! It felt like a real AA game, especially when you used the "swooshing" scene between the defense and the prosecution!
User avatar
Meph
Posts: 13439
Joined: Mon Nov 10, 2008 10:07 pm
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English
Location: Probably Disneyland Paris... or the UK

Re: ★ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by Meph »

Thanks. ;) I might add the swooshing to the rest of the trial in the future. ;)
User avatar
Nevfx
Posts: 693
Joined: Sun Jun 13, 2010 5:08 pm
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English

Re: ★ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by Nevfx »

How did you do that swooshing?
User avatar
Meph
Posts: 13439
Joined: Mon Nov 10, 2008 10:07 pm
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English
Location: Probably Disneyland Paris... or the UK

Re: ★ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by Meph »

I made the image myself. ;)

http://s261.photobucket.com/albums/ii54 ... es602/AAO/

You can use it yourself if you want, but don't hotlink it. :)
User avatar
Nevfx
Posts: 693
Joined: Sun Jun 13, 2010 5:08 pm
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English

Re: ★ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by Nevfx »

Thank you. I loved the fact you used a Corrie storyline for your case! I knew what happened as well XD
User avatar
Meph
Posts: 13439
Joined: Mon Nov 10, 2008 10:07 pm
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English
Location: Probably Disneyland Paris... or the UK

Re: ★ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by Meph »

Thanks. :) I'm glad I'm not the only one here who watches Corrie. :P
User avatar
Meph
Posts: 13439
Joined: Mon Nov 10, 2008 10:07 pm
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English
Location: Probably Disneyland Paris... or the UK

Re: ★ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by Meph »

As okappa has recently become a reviewer, he will review my trial, because I want to see if he is too strict when he does his reviews (but also because I haven't had a proper review for this trial :P).
Post Reply