[T] Turnabout Carjack ★

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Topaz
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Re: ★ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by Topaz »

You can check mine to see if he's being too strict.

Also, THANKS A LOT for the swooshing thing.
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Meph
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Re: ★ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by Meph »

Topaz wrote:You can check mine to see if he's being too strict.
I have. ;) And he was.
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Hodou Okappa
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Re: ★ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by Hodou Okappa »

Okappa's Trial Review: On Trial
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The prosecution is ready... am I?
As many of you thought my first trial review was too strict, I have been commissioned to undergo training in the form of reviewing Meph's own trial. To put this into perspective, this is very similar to working at a major law firm and having your boss ask you to compile lists of all of his gross bad habits. Do you mention his tendency to chew his nails, or his habit of picking his nose while the judge is talking? Will you be fired if you comment on how badly he smells when he isn't wearing deodorant? Clearly, it's a very stressful situation that requires a great deal of care. Thankfully, my "boss" actually happens to be quite the good trial writer, and so what may have been a stressful situation has become an entertaining way to test my skills. And as you all know, HODOU NEVER BACKS DOWN FROM A CHANCE TO TEST HIS SKILLS!

When I first arrived on this thread, I was shocked to find that I was actually supposed to have reviewed this ages ago. Apparently Henke's review had been enough to earn this trial featured status anyway, but I was supposed to have been the second judge. I may have accidentally shirked my duties, but it's never too late to make amends!

Style Points! Awesome is the new black!
  • This trial was based on a previously-existing story. I've never seen (read?) said story, but from the way this trial goes it sounds like it was pretty good. Still, by choosing this story you made quite the departure from the original Phoenix Wright formula. It's not a murder case, certain characters get screen-time despite being insignificant, and others get very little time on-stage despite being quite important. I really didn't understand the point of even having Rosie Webster testify, since she really doesn't do anything for the trial overall. And I find it odd that, given certain circumstances, Chesney Brown isn't mentioned more frequently.
  • Even though it wasn't technically your story, the writing was very good. Characters mostly matched their personalities, and the OCs all had enough personality that they fit the story as well without reminding me too much of their in-game counterparts. The court proceedings flowed very well, and it never felt tedious when it wasn't supposed to (and in a trial with Franziska, there's ALWAYS a few times when it's supposed to. :P) You did a great job of meshing this story into the Phoenix Wright world, and the mandatory Edgeworth character development that seems to "come with the property," so-to-speak, is a nice touch.
  • It's a little odd that Franzy, Edgeworth, and Gumshoe all haven't changed one bit since the Phoenix Arc when this takes place during the Apollo arc. I didn't really notice this until Ema came out, but you'd think they'd all have aged and grown apart. Or at least grown up. These characters definitely still feel more like they came straight out of AAI, from the look to the personality.
  • Fiz isn't exactly a common nickname for Fiona here in the US. I thought you had made a mistake when I saw that. On the other hand, you did a good job of "localizing" it by sticking to the more familiar British terms like "loo" and explaining lesser-known terms like "boot."
  • The gameplay, also, is challenging and genuinely fun. Cross-examinations take quite a bit of thought, and thankfully never jump into the realm of "get a walkthrough or die." (Though, thanks to some inflated penalties, I ended up with roughly 10 health left near the end and had to have you walk me through it. XD Speaking of which, shouldn't you put a walkthrough somewhere?)
Errors! Mr. Fix It don't feel so good!
  • Given that pedophilia is a bit of a recurring thing here, the ages of each character should probably be on profiles. It helps put John in character to realize certain ages -- such as that Rosie was 17 and Fiz Brown is currently older.
  • "I have faced against her in court before," should be "I have faced her in court once before." "Faced against" makes no sense.
  • "...to catch up on 'old times.'" "Old times" shouldn't be in quotes, he isn't quoting anyone or being sarcastic either.
  • Franzy's whipping needs to be shorter, and also needs the actual whip-crack sound at the end. (I'm not sure about that part though.)
  • "Don't interrupt my opening statement in THE future, fool." British grammar
  • "The car was stolen on August 2nd, ON Coronation Street." Unless that's a british thing? It is.
  • The "Objection!" "Hold it!" and "Take That!" signs need to shake when they're played.
  • Ema's intro is good until "Now testify about the evidence." "Fine." Shouldn't Ema be a bit more... argumentative?
  • Not that it's relevant to the case, but in what form was there DNA on the engagement ring? It feels weird to just say they analyzed the ring itself, as it wouldn't hold its wearer's DNA without some form of bio-debris.
  • There are many points where double-penalties are given for seemingly no reason at all. Remember that the typical penalty isn't more than 20% unless dialogue-related.
  • When Franzy whips people multiple times, be sure to use both right and left whip animations so it doesn't look too repetitive. Also helps to have them change to a more "pained" animation when they're hit.
  • Glove is left on-screen during "The End" of Part 1
  • Franzy grabbing Fiz from the defense lobby happened too quickly and without enough explanation.
  • The judge accidentally hits 4 lines of text at the beginning of part 2.
  • Webster's pain animation shows spontaneous flying lobster and plates of borscht. Kind of surreal really. And why did absolutely nothing come of her testimony?
  • The beginning of Part 3 does away with the kind convention of actually warning the player when they risk a penalty. I don't particularly like that.
  • If you're going to whip somebody 5 times in a row, can't it be a little faster and more exciting? Seeing Edgey just sit there when it goes "Fhwip. Fhwip." like clockwork isn't cutting it.
  • When the gallery cheers, their heads should be moving.'
  • "(Who are and who are not is something that I as a prosecutor cannot be certain of...)" makes absolutely no sense. O_O
  • The concluding monologue feels dry without music.
I would concur with the decision I was supposed to have made a long time ago, Meph. This deserves to be a Featured Trial. You did a great job!
Last edited by Hodou Okappa on Wed Jul 07, 2010 8:38 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Meph
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Re: ★ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by Meph »

Ha ha ha! Yes, I suppose you're finally ready to review trials independently now. ;) Your style of reviewing is a lot more enjoyable to read than mine (the enjoyability of reading trial reviews is somewhat arbitrary, but oh well).

Oh, and I suppose I should fix the careless mistakes that you mentioned. :P
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Nevfx
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Re: ★ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by Nevfx »

Well done then, Okkapa.

You'll be reviewing Episode 4 of my series then :D

He is right, this was a great trial Meph.
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Meph
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Re: ★ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by Meph »

He will indeed. ;)
Fix isn't exactly a common nickname for Fiona here in the US.
It isn't common in the UK, either. "Fiz", not "Fix". :P
"Don't interrupt my opening statement in THE future, fool."
And don't misunderstand how superior British grammar works, fool! :P
"The car was stolen on August 2nd, ON Coronation Street." Unless that's a british thing?
"In", not "on". :P
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Nevfx
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Re: ★ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by Nevfx »

Yeah, without THE it works too. To me, anyway.
Mimi
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Re: ★ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by Mimi »

Oh yeah, I played this one before! 'Cept... I don't think I finished. DARN IT! MUST...PLAY...! :evil:
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Hodou Okappa
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Re: ★ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by Hodou Okappa »

Well, Meph, as you can see there are still certain aspects of British grammar I don't recognize. :P Which is why those errors are there. Aside from the Fix thing. shudder I'll strike those out.
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Meph
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Re: ★ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by Meph »

okappa wrote:Aside from the Fix thing.
Fiz! The letter "Z"! Pronounced "Fis"; like "fizzy". :P
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mAc Chaos
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Re: ★ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by mAc Chaos »

Playing it now! Good so far. May I ask how you did the scrolling background? I don't know how to in the editor. As in, when the camera swings from the defense to the prosecution, panning across the room, etc.
The wolf knows what the ill heart thinks.
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Nevfx
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Re: ★ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by Nevfx »

He did it himself, using his own images.
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Meph
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Re: ★ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by Meph »

I did indeed. ;) I don't recommend that you do it yourself. It's very annoying to implement. We should wait until it's done properly and built into the Trial Editor.
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Hodou Okappa
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Re: ★ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by Hodou Okappa »

Meph wrote:
okappa wrote:Aside from the Fix thing.
Fiz! The letter "Z"! Pronounced "Fis"; like "fizzy". :P
I know I know I know. T_T I changed it.

Random Fact: I have a friend named Elizabeth who we call Biz actually...
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energizerspark
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Re: ★ Trial: Turnabout Carjack

Post by energizerspark »

Little question. I want to use the swooshing backgrounds, but I don't have anything that can display animated GIFS. Do you know of any way I can get them animated?
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