The most awesome things you have ever said.
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- Lind
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The most awesome things you have ever said.
Bringing this topic over from The Otaku 2.0.
Basically, as the title says, post anything you say you find particularly hilarious.
Copypasting a few of my best ones from the original thread:
Me: "I'm from Merry Old England. Pip pip, tally ho, spot of bother, cricket, big ben, sticky widget, b****es and hoes, crumpets and tea and all that."
Some dude: "That's just my two cents."
Me: "F*** your two cents."
Admin: "can I borrow a pair of chain cuffs?"
Me: "Sure! Just come the nice warehouse on 12th Street in New Dehli, where you will be met with some very nice people who will give you them."
Shiawa: "Can eye borrow a chair of pain cuffs?"
Me: "Sure! Just go to that warehouse where we harvest people's organs on 12th Street. You know the one. Bring anaesthetic."
Admin: "is Shiawa going to annoy me anytime in the near future?"
Me: "That depends. Would you define him helping me harvest your organs as annoying?"
Me: *Raises fist in the air* "BLACK POWER."
My idiot friend: *Nazi salute* "WHITE POWER."
Me: "...S***. Paper beats rock."
My HLP: "I could really go for something sweet right now."
Me: "If we weren't in public I'd pretend to unzip my trousers."
HLP: "Oh god, that reminds me. I read on Sankaku recently, that depending on whether you eat sweet or sour food..."
Me: "Oh god. I see where this is coming."
[beat]
Me: "...GOING! I MEANT GOING!"
HLP: "We can't go, I don't have money."
Me: "Wait, then what are you buying the pizza with?"
HLP: Money.
[beat]
Me: *mimes mind exploding*
HLP: We can pay them in sexual favours.
Me: I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a godsend for people like you. If you give me my pizza now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will blow you.
OK, your turn.
Basically, as the title says, post anything you say you find particularly hilarious.
Copypasting a few of my best ones from the original thread:
Me: "I'm from Merry Old England. Pip pip, tally ho, spot of bother, cricket, big ben, sticky widget, b****es and hoes, crumpets and tea and all that."
Some dude: "That's just my two cents."
Me: "F*** your two cents."
Admin: "can I borrow a pair of chain cuffs?"
Me: "Sure! Just come the nice warehouse on 12th Street in New Dehli, where you will be met with some very nice people who will give you them."
Shiawa: "Can eye borrow a chair of pain cuffs?"
Me: "Sure! Just go to that warehouse where we harvest people's organs on 12th Street. You know the one. Bring anaesthetic."
Admin: "is Shiawa going to annoy me anytime in the near future?"
Me: "That depends. Would you define him helping me harvest your organs as annoying?"
Me: *Raises fist in the air* "BLACK POWER."
My idiot friend: *Nazi salute* "WHITE POWER."
Me: "...S***. Paper beats rock."
My HLP: "I could really go for something sweet right now."
Me: "If we weren't in public I'd pretend to unzip my trousers."
HLP: "Oh god, that reminds me. I read on Sankaku recently, that depending on whether you eat sweet or sour food..."
Me: "Oh god. I see where this is coming."
[beat]
Me: "...GOING! I MEANT GOING!"
HLP: "We can't go, I don't have money."
Me: "Wait, then what are you buying the pizza with?"
HLP: Money.
[beat]
Me: *mimes mind exploding*
HLP: We can pay them in sexual favours.
Me: I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a godsend for people like you. If you give me my pizza now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will blow you.
OK, your turn.
- DKJustice1
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Re: The most awesome things you have ever said.
Key SW = support worker.
Me : Did you know there is a law for taxi to carry Hay bails in the uk?
SW: No.
Me it is from the time they had horses and carriages.
SW oh
Me; The funny things is that it is still legal today.
Me : Did you know there is a law for taxi to carry Hay bails in the uk?
SW: No.
Me it is from the time they had horses and carriages.
SW oh
Me; The funny things is that it is still legal today.
Ace Attorney Poem.
What a crime is done.
Gumshoe's has come.
His name is Dick.
It's a point and click.
To find a clue
or maybe a few.
To made your point of view.
In the trial
where every one stares
the judge does glare.
Objections fly from everywhere!
What a crime is done.
Gumshoe's has come.
His name is Dick.
It's a point and click.
To find a clue
or maybe a few.
To made your point of view.
In the trial
where every one stares
the judge does glare.
Objections fly from everywhere!
- ~Dataman~
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Re: The most awesome things you have ever said.
My friend had just left her boyfriend. I heard her telling it to my classmates, and:
Me: Why did you do it?
She: We had promised to go movies together, and he didn't show up. When I called him, he was playing some video game! There you have it.
Me: Surely the game costed more than tickets.
(Everyone else laughs, except her and me.)
Me: Why did you do it?
She: We had promised to go movies together, and he didn't show up. When I called him, he was playing some video game! There you have it.
Me: Surely the game costed more than tickets.
(Everyone else laughs, except her and me.)
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Anime is awesome! Watch my Anime Sword Techniques series in my Youtube channel! Currently I have covered Gatotsu, Yontoryu, Santoryu, Hiten Mitsurugi, Seven Swords Dance, Wattoujutsu, Scissorblade, Kamiya Kasshin and more is coming!
My Art Thread
Anime is awesome! Watch my Anime Sword Techniques series in my Youtube channel! Currently I have covered Gatotsu, Yontoryu, Santoryu, Hiten Mitsurugi, Seven Swords Dance, Wattoujutsu, Scissorblade, Kamiya Kasshin and more is coming!
My Art Thread
Re: The most awesome things you have ever said.
Phantom: You wanna know the most awesome thing ever said?
Chica: What?
Phantom: Take a guess.
Chica:....Hmm...I know! It's
Chica: What?
Phantom: Take a guess.
Chica:....Hmm...I know! It's
- energizerspark
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Re: The most awesome things you have ever said.
In class we were marking each other's work.
Girl in class: "I can't read this writing!"
Me: "Should have gone to Specsavers."
(Entire class laughs)
Girl in class: "I can't read this writing!"
Me: "Should have gone to Specsavers."
(Entire class laughs)
- Ami
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Re: The most awesome things you have ever said.
Don't we already have a topic like this? I'm fairly sure we do. I'll look for it when I wake up more.
since 2008!
- eighthbit
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Re: The most awesome things you have ever said.
The other topic was made in order to avoid necroing this topic.
'Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.'
-Elbert Hubbard
-Elbert Hubbard
- Ami
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Re: The most awesome things you have ever said.
Ah. I'll go find it in a little bit, and do some merging.eighthbit wrote:The other topic was made in order to avoid necroing this topic.
since 2008!
- DLA
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Re: The most awesome things you have ever said.
We were reading about how some guy was assassinated by poison pellet through umbrella tip.
Teacher: Back in those days, these things were quite common.
Me: So the Penguin was running around stabbing people with his umbrella all the time?
Teacher: Yes, and every computer problem ever was the Riddler.
Note he said the last part with a completely serious tone, no sarcasm or anything.
Teacher: Back in those days, these things were quite common.
Me: So the Penguin was running around stabbing people with his umbrella all the time?
Teacher: Yes, and every computer problem ever was the Riddler.
Note he said the last part with a completely serious tone, no sarcasm or anything.
The Final but not so ending chapter.
- naagloshii
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Re: The most awesome things you have ever said.
I was walking with a friend when a REALLY LOUD truck zoomed past us.
Me: Why do they need to make their trucks so LOUD?!
Her: They're obviously compensating for something.
Me: Yeah... I mean, they can't make their GIRLFRIENDS be that loud...
Me: Why do they need to make their trucks so LOUD?!
Her: They're obviously compensating for something.
Me: Yeah... I mean, they can't make their GIRLFRIENDS be that loud...
I'm off to listen to bands you kids have never heard of, and when they go major I'll be there to complain about how much they've sold out!
-Uzuki Yashiro
-Uzuki Yashiro
♂ + ♂ = ♥
♀ + ♀ = ♥
♀ + ♂ = ♥
Love should be genderless.
If you agree, please add this to your signature.
♀ + ♀ = ♥
♀ + ♂ = ♥
Love should be genderless.
If you agree, please add this to your signature.
- TrialmanAKASoma Cruz
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Re: The most awesome things you have ever said.
In Geography today, we were talking about non-renewable and renewable sources, and the lights were off so we could see the image our teacher she projected onto the whiteboard.
Teacher: As you can see, I have my lights off to save electricity.
Me: What about your computer?
And the class had a good laugh.
Teacher: As you can see, I have my lights off to save electricity.
Me: What about your computer?
And the class had a good laugh.
I love all generations of My Little Pony and I'm proud of it! Paste this into your sig if you are too!
To please my Yuri side. (Picture by adcoon on DA)
♂ + ♂ = ♥
♀ + ♀ = ♥
♀ + ♂ = ♥
Love should be genderless.
If you agree, please add this to your signature.
To please my Yuri side. (Picture by adcoon on DA)
♂ + ♂ = ♥
♀ + ♀ = ♥
♀ + ♂ = ♥
Love should be genderless.
If you agree, please add this to your signature.
- Lind
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Re: The most awesome things you have ever said.
I was round a friend's house the other day and he had said he was going to make us all bacon once we all woke up in the morning.
I woke up just the teensiest bit and was barely able to think, and noticed that everyone else was up already, so I then immediately blurted out:
"INSTALL BACON!".
And then I went back to sleep.
I woke up just the teensiest bit and was barely able to think, and noticed that everyone else was up already, so I then immediately blurted out:
"INSTALL BACON!".
And then I went back to sleep.
- Rtaos Grimm
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Re: The most awesome things you have ever said.
I didn't personally say this but I feel like I need to share this.
John Sweeney from Panorama is in North Korea, he goes to a public library and asks for "1984" by George Orwell. And it turns out they only had one book: "Discovering Nutrition".
In my opinion, that was bloody genius.
John Sweeney from Panorama is in North Korea, he goes to a public library and asks for "1984" by George Orwell. And it turns out they only had one book: "Discovering Nutrition".
In my opinion, that was bloody genius.
Status: Tired and out of it.
Bullet Tooth Tony: "Boris the Blade?
Solomon: "Yeah."
Bullet Tooth Tony: "As in Boris the Question Dodger?"
Solomon: *nods head*
Cousin Avi: "Why do they call him the Question Dodger?"
*pause*
Bullet Tooth Tony: "Because he dodges questions, Avi."
Adapted from the film "Snatch"
Bullet Tooth Tony: "Boris the Blade?
Solomon: "Yeah."
Bullet Tooth Tony: "As in Boris the Question Dodger?"
Solomon: *nods head*
Cousin Avi: "Why do they call him the Question Dodger?"
*pause*
Bullet Tooth Tony: "Because he dodges questions, Avi."
Adapted from the film "Snatch"
Re: The most awesome things you have ever said.
*Reads the OP*
Hilarious, you say?
*Removes posts' content*
Hilarious, you say?
*Removes posts' content*
Last edited by Sligneris on Mon Jun 17, 2013 11:03 am, edited 1 time in total.
- Sleuth
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Re: The most awesome things you have ever said.
At the Puppy Store my Mom used to work at:
Owner: *Sees my arm brace* So, be honest; how'd it happen?
Me: Oh, this? I was wrestling a Bengal Tiger.
Owner: A Bengal Tiger? That must've been rough. But I guess we don't know what the tiger looked like.
Me: Yeah, PETA hates me now.
Owner: *laughs* Don't worry, they've hated me for years.
Owner: *Sees my arm brace* So, be honest; how'd it happen?
Me: Oh, this? I was wrestling a Bengal Tiger.
Owner: A Bengal Tiger? That must've been rough. But I guess we don't know what the tiger looked like.
Me: Yeah, PETA hates me now.
Owner: *laughs* Don't worry, they've hated me for years.