Short and Sweet

Join in with competitions to make the best trials... with a twist!

Moderator: EN - Forum Moderators

User avatar
Enthalpy
Community Manager
Posts: 5169
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2012 4:40 am
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English, limited Spanish

Re: Short and Sweet

Post by Enthalpy »

My second-to-last batch. Hoping to get the rest out tomorrow!

Tap's Turnabout Remembrances
Spoiler : :
One Sentence Summary

Tap attempts a comedy case in the vein of PoB, but his jokes missed the mark to the point that I struggled to recognize this as a comedy.

Does it tell a complete story?

No, and the ending makes it clear that it was never supposed to. We learn at the very “end” that… the whole trial was Phoenix simply telling a story that didn’t make much sense. I use “end” in quotes because the trial doesn’t feel wrapped up. We may secure a Not Guilty verdict, but nothing else is resolved. Who was the real killer? What about the Bellboy? Just what was going on with Kristoph anyways? Nor does the beginning feel like it really ties in. The beginning and middle seem like two entirely disparate narrative threads that just so happen to be in the same case.


Is it economical with frame use and pacing?

Not particularly. One of the two narrative threads is dulled by how prolix it always is. Given that it never ties in to the larger thread, I’m not sure whether this was supposed to exist for its own sake, or to support something going on elsewhere. If the former, the humor is so lost on me that I’m not convinced it’s worth having. If the latter, how does it help anything?

That leaves the matter of pacing. I have to talk about the actual trial here, as that is where most of the actual pacing occurs. The pacing itself is fine, although it’s easy to think there’s a problem here: the flow of information always feels off, but it’s not that things are going too fast, but that something is missing, because the trial never comes together.


Characters/Story

Tap can definitely get the old characters right when he wants to. Payne’s opening statement is one of the best Paynes I’ve seen in a while, and his Phoenix is very well done. Of course, he doesn’t want to get the old characters right fairly often. One of the two narrative threads involves a very twisted version of Phoenix, and a Kristoph who talks so much that I find himself skipping through most of his dialogues.

Then there are the original characters, which I’ll have to name. Gaines’s dialogue is probably the funniest, but we see the least of him. Ballard is okay, while Frost is simply mystifying. I like “DESSERT” jokes much less than the next guy, and I don’t see how she contributed to any sort of parody or humor in this other than DESSERT.


Gameplay/Puzzles

This really isn’t a puzzle game, but there are some puzzles. There are a couple questions about evidence law, but I feel that “best evidence” law could use some expansion, and the photograph objection leans too heavily to “goes more to weight than admissibility” for my tastes, especially when it isn’t clear that THERE ARE ACTUALLY PERFECTLY LEGITIMATE REASONS ONE MIGHT CONSULT WITH A KNOWN ASSASSIN. However, great work in explaining why the other objections don’t work!

This leaves contradictions. The first one is a technical contradiction, but there’s also the fact that while it’s technically possible that the victim leaked his own name… it makes no sense whatsoever. That could use addressing. Contradiction two has an answer, but you can only know what to press in hindsight.


Presentation

Backgrounds and custom affects all worked out great. I especially liked the graphics in the style of Ferdie’s H. That leaves the delivery of the jokes…

Parody is not reference is not humor. There were a ton of references, off-beat things, and even a bit of parody, but very little that I found funny. The closest this case came to making me laugh was Arthur Gaines’ terrible joke. Seeing as this is a comedy case, that is not a good thing.

It’s worth mentioning that I have reason to believe that my sense of humor and Tap’s didn’t align from the outset, even though this is (loosely) in the style of Phantasmagoria of Betrayal.

Overall

Comedy is very hard to do well. It’s about as execution-dependent as your standard mystery, but much, much more taste-dependent. For me, this comedy case missed on both execution and taste. I really can’t say I enjoyed this case, but I don’t think it’s because the case was that bad; the real reason is that a comedy case needs to be really good in order to be good. And Tap, sad to say, missed that.
RoCO-X's Deutsch Dilemma
Spoiler : :
One Sentence Summary

While giving us the set-up with the most potential, the execution falls too flat to turn potential into actuality.

Does it tell a complete story?

Everything the case starts (the trial of Franziska) is resolved by the trial’s end, so it passes on complete. I don’t believe this can be called a satisfying story, for reasons I’ll elaborate on shortly. The quick version is that this doesn’t feel much like a story, despite a great set-up for one.

For a case that features Phoenix defending Franziska von Karma on charges of Manfred-style forgery, prosecuted by Edgeworth, there’s surprisingly little story in here among the characters.

Is it economical with frame use and pacing?

Total length is 875 frames. Nice, and quick to play!

Some out-of-court scenes feel unnecessary - not a wise use of frames. What does the airport scene add to the case, or the talk in the cab?

The other out-of-court scenes feel so single-minded on exposition that they consequently go too fast. See talking with Trucy at the Law Offices, Dover at the hotel, and Franziska pre-trial. Those conversations need more frames to look natural. That’s closer to scanty than economical.


Characters/Story

Dialogue between characters should feel like dialogue between those characters!

Read the opening scene you have written, and you can see that this dialogue doesn’t sound quite right.

  • Nobody would ever say “Boy, I am excited!” It’s unnatural.
  • “Are you, Dad? That sounded really juvenile.” Unless Trucy went through massive character development since Dual Destinies, that line is out of character for her. And if that character development has happened, you should say something so the player doesn’t get confused.
  • “Nonetheless, tonight we finally head out for OldKörterfest!” This dialogue isn’t natural in context.
  • Phoenix says, “It's a gathering of lawyers to do trials in old fashion. I even have a letter from the Legal League of Attorneys!” and Trucy responds “But, I thought there was only the state bar you should worry about.” That response doesn’t make sense in-context. There’s no connection between “letter from the League” and “worry about the Legal League.” There are a lot of other connections to be made, like “what is old fashion,” “why do old fashion,” and “what does the League have to do with this,” yet Trucy asks none of them. There’s another problem in that Trucy’s response doesn’t feel goofy enough to be what Trucy would say.
  • “That is true, Trucy, but the L.L.A. is how I'm able to go on extravagant legal tours.” is awkwardly worded, and doesn’t make sense. Since when has Phoenix gone on extravagant tours? What does that have to do with Trucy’s questions?
  • “Sounds like you're excited to travel again” is far too mundane to follow after this explanation of OldKorterfest.
  • “Yes. However, I don't like how we have to wear old makeup.” Again, this doesn’t quite work in-context. He goes from excited to travel to disliking old makeup? This could be redone with something like “For the trip, yes. Having to wear old-time make-up… Not so much.”
  • “Old makeup! Ha! It'll certainly make you look younger.” This feels out of character for Trucy.
  • When Phoenix talks about not being allowed to have a watch, Trucy says, “Don't worry, Dad. I'm sure there are lots of clocks wherever we're going!” While this is relatively minor, the dialogue just feels strange to me.
  • Later, Phoenix transitions from “Apollo and Athena” to being the “feature defense attorney” with absolutely no transition, nor explanation of what “feature defense attorney” is. That’s jarring in and of itself, and Trucy should say something completely different than “Well done, Dad! Let's go before we miss our flight!”


Do you see how this doesn’t feel like a natural conversation between two Phoenix and Trucy? It’s unnatural, and Trucy’s usual goofiness is gone. Even if intentional, this comes off as you forgetting Trucy’s character. Contrast that to dialogues in canon Ace Attorney games.

We see this problem throughout. For another example, take the meeting with Franziska.

The dialogue is still problematic. For starters, Phoenix takes the news that “Franziska is being accused of evidence forgery, and you have to defend her” way too calmly.

We then have a stunningly short dialogue between Franziska and Phoenix. We start with superficial out-of-characterness: more gratuitous German, use of “Phoenix” instead of “Phoenix Wright,” and Franziska not showing her usual pride. We then get on to more serious matters. Franziska’s “Why are you defending me if you don’t believe me” feels unlike her, Phoenix’s age is completely irrelevant, it’s difficult to see Phoenix initial being so cold to Phoenix and then changing his mind so completely just because of her tears, it feels strange that Franziska is crying so easily - at least without clearer explanation, Phoenix never actually says he’ll accept it, Franziska recovers startlingly fast.

The rest is glossed over. We need to see Phoenix’s reaction to this staged trial business, which all seems to come out of nowhere. We need to see how his talk with Franziska really ends… We get none of it. How does Phoenix take all this?! The glossing over of character for the sake of exposition here really hurts the case.

The trial is a bit better, but only slightly. The same problems continue. The trial abounds with jokes that are unnatural, too forced, and out-of-character. See the extended joke about Edgeworth knowing the law, Fermat’s last theorem, and Phoenix sleeping. See Edgeworth’s joke against Mia Fey. See the extended jokes about knowing German and the orchestra… Etcetera, etcetera.

Overall, the dialogue here is sorely lacking. Characters feel out of character, and not reacting enough to the environment around them. This setup with Edgeworth prosecuting Franziska could have been fantastic characterwise, but nothing was done with it. I personally feel that it ws the set-up with the most potential! I very highly recommend you work on story and characters for your next work.


Gameplay/Puzzles

Everything here was easy, but good work on keeping it all fair and purposeful.

That said, there are still issues mystery-wise. There are fourteen pieces of evidence total, but most are unnecessary, and almost none are explained. Trim the Court Record, and have the prosecution explain what remains. Right now, the lack of explanation is frustrating.

You may want to add more cross-examinations, to give the evidence more purpose, to give the trial more tension, and because two crosses is too short to develop the case fully.

I’m also confused on why Franziska was arrested. The “decisive evidence” of the card ID was obviously fake - the culprit left their ID at the scene, but Franziska’s had hers on her. Why would any police officer, let alone the Chief of Police, fall for that?

Lastly, why accuse Jarvis? All we knew at the time was that he lied, and his prints really were on the seal. It’s a stretch to go straight from that to the accusation.


Presentation

I appreciate not having to look at a black screen prologue. Great change from your previous work. Apart from the lack of custom evidence sprites, there really isn’t anything notable to say here. You have some hiccups like Phoenix randomly having a cup of coffee during the second cross-examination, and missing commas, but nothing else major.

Overall Impression

Honestly, I can’t say I liked this case. Not having a black-screen prologue was great. Grammar was good. But the under explained evidence, leaps in logic, and short-and-easy presents made enjoying the game difficult. The writing consistently felt unnatural, out-of-character, and leaning too heavy to exposition.

That said, I encourage you to keep working at it! These kinds of problems are completely normal for the early trials. If anything, most second trials are worse off. Keep practicing, and feel free to ask me to look at your work in future.
[D]isordered speech is not so much injury to the lips that give it forth, as to the disproportion and incoherence of things in themselves, so negligently expressed. ~ Ben Jonson
Tap
Posts: 4799
Joined: Tue Dec 15, 2009 9:01 am
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English

Re: Short and Sweet

Post by Tap »

Can't say I'm all-too surprised with your review since I agree with you in a large number of parts! It's a crazy, ridiculous, over-the-top case that doesn't make a lot of sense. It's pretty much poking fun at everything else I've had a hand in writing, ha ha! Thanks for playing it, though. I appreciate the feedback, and hope you enjoyed at least some of the experience! That was the goal, bring this and that of anything I've worked on in the past in one big case and as usual, disappoint members' expectations. :XD:
ImageImage
User avatar
Zeel1™
Posts: 3747
Joined: Thu Jun 03, 2010 10:29 pm
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English
Location: Nobody uses this for what it's intended for.

Re: Short and Sweet

Post by Zeel1™ »

So, I mainly entered this comp as a challenge to myself, because I have a reputation for really lengthy trials. I don't usually try for it explicitly but they just turn out that way, it's kind of a thing of my writing style. I think I'm usually better off for it because it just lets me flesh everything out more. But I wanted to see if I could do a solid case that wasn't superlong, and I do think I delivered that.

With the framelimit in mind, I figured the best way to make use of that and have it add to the feel of the case was to instill a sense of urgency. It's short by necessity, you HAVE to resolve it swiftly. It was with that in mind that the case came from and I'm mostly happy with how that worked out.

While I don't agree with all the specifics in the SoC, I will say that contradictions have never really been a strong suit of mine and I'm usually kinda struggling to come up with them. The piece of evidence the second witness gives you wasn't actually in the cast until much later because for a while the final testimony was a bit of a blank in my outline, I didn't know what I was gonna do for it for most of the case. It's actually such an issue that I've sometimes considered just kinda having someone else come up with the stuff for me... :P

Coming up with the crime in general is a hard part for me actually, I'm more of a dialogue-and-core-story kinda guy. I really like my crime for Redeemer but most of the time they just come out very... normal. Too normal for AA.

But anyway, I will say that during the earlier parts of developing this, I was very worried about going over the frame limit, far more than I actually needed to considering the trial doesn't even break 3000 in the end. I actually had a little word doc with all of the planned out phases of the trial, Prologue, Intro Lobby Scene, Pre-1st Testimony, ect. with a number of allowed max frames assigned to them all. So like, this CE wasn't allowed to go over 300, this scene couldn't go over 200, stuff like that. I ended up overestimating how much these actually took, though if I just went ahead and did it my usual way, they might've ended up being closer to the max. 4000 honestly isn't constrictive at all, I guess I just felt like it was to me because I once had a single trial PHASE go over 5000. ^^' I guess it took me a while to realize that and get comfortable with it, and I did some things a little faster than I needed to because of that, I think.

Aforementioned witness probably could've been expanded on a bit more, though I think she's atleast pretty memorable for her time. I'm also kinda sad the detective's stay was as short as it was, 'cause I was having fun with the gimmick I ended up giving him. I have no idea what a second testimony from him would be about, but y'know... ^^'

As usual, I kinda cut the end of this comp really close. I'm pretty proud of that last day though. 400 frames in one day to finish the thing, not too shabby. Even had some time to beta it a little so it didn't come out too bad. Still have no clue why color tags are such douchebags all of a sudden though...

I'm probably going to be editing these things before showcasing the case, with that in mind. Might have somebody look at changing the contradictions too, I dunno. Overall though, I think this was a good experience. Mostly happy with how the case came out and this should've served to wear off any rust I may have had from my like two years away from writing.
Turnabout Ghost - 1400 Frames
Image
User avatar
Enthalpy
Community Manager
Posts: 5169
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2012 4:40 am
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English, limited Spanish

Re: Short and Sweet

Post by Enthalpy »

Spyromed's Graves of the Turnabout
Spoiler : :
One Sentence Summary

This case quite clearly has not been completed or tested, and while there is enough to review, I am not comfortable being as explicit as I would be otherwise on this one.

Does it tell a complete story?

No. We had a beginning, but… it doesn’t feel like we’ve made any progress since then. There was one cross-examination that changed things, but by that point in the game, I had lost my sense of direction completely that I have no clue if that one cross-examination meant anything.


Is it economical with frame use and pacing?

Sadly, no. In the beginning, pacing started out alright, though certain dialogues (chiefly Ashley’s opening monologue and the talk with Lucy) needed trimming. Then we got to the trial. Its current structure requires tons of frame wasting, and poor pacing. I’ll quote Ferdie here:

“The first testimony contains about a dozen statements, which fill the CR with 14 pieces of evidence. The second is ALSO huge, and requires massive pressing, and simply does not do much good for the plot - a detailed elaboration of every single movement of every character. Worst of all, one large and frustrating segment goes basically nowhere, introducing practically no new information, when the player-character could have made a much stronger argument instead and saved time.”


Characters/Story

I was neutral to these characters. Certainly none of them were bad. And for the most part, the dialogue works. But I can’t find myself caring about them, or even entertained by them, or even remembering them. I suspect that this is in large part because everything was subsumed by the trial portion, which took all my attention to follow. That left me with the “meet the characters” portion which, while solid, was meant to support the characters everywhere else rather than carry everything by itself.

Gameplay/Puzzles

This was the trial's weakest point, and it constantly dragged down the rest of your case. Because I was constantly trying to figure out what was going on, I couldn’t pay attention to your characters, your dialogue, your presentation… Anything. I believe Ferdie has agreed to help you rework this. I highly recommend you take him on that.

Presentation

Presentation started out okay, but towards the end, it became clear that presentation details were being neglected in the interests of pumping out more frames. My only overarching concern is that the music selection is too large.

I agree with Ferdie that the character sprites really worked for your characters.


Overall

This case has a lot of potential, and I think Spyromed as an author has a lot of potential. But this case didn’t actualize either of them. The idea is fine, but the trial needs a complete restructuring.
enigma and DWaM's The Assistant's Turnabout
Spoiler : :
One Sentence Summary

Assistant’s is the darker, story-centric fare that we’ve grown to expect from enigma and DWaM, but with a bit more comedy, less wasted dialogue, and a shift in the case’s darkness from overt to intense and covert, but all the usual quality; this shows that DWaM is fully back into things, and it shows a new height for enigma.

Does it tell a complete story?

It does, yes. All three of the endings show that some new problems will raise, but those are outside of the scope of the story itself, which does have a clear beginning, middle, and end.

I will say that the ending feels slightly disconnected from the trial, due to me not making a certain connection until a while after playing the trial. Namely, the effect the twist has on the protagonist’s likely psychological state in the trial.

That said, once that connection was settled, the trial was spectacularly well integrated into things!


Is it economical with frame use and pacing?

For the most part, it’s a solid yes. There was no significant frame wasting, and pacing kept smooth for the most part.

Characters/Story

As Ferdielance noted, it’s extremely difficult to say anything here without getting into extreme spoilers, due to the nature of this case. I’m just going to say everything worked character-wise and comment on a few odds and ends.

The story benefits immensely from being so lively, compared to, say, Empty or Yamase. This case feels more enjoyable due to the extra injection of humor, but the case also goes for the drama when it needs to. The “confrontation” in-trial was… surprisingly effective.


Gameplay/Puzzles

This case had decent puzzles. While they certainly weren’t intended to be the focus of the case, they could be strengthened a bit more! Specifically…

* It should be a contradiction that the defendant says the victim was already dead, given what the murder weapon was.
* Shortly after, I believe you miss that the guard contradicts the line about “nobody else at the scene."


Presentation

Great, as usual. The only problem here is miscellaneous typos.

Overall

All in all, a great case. Talking too much more about it would be spoiler-y, so I'll leave it at that.
Zeel1's Turnabout Time Limit
Spoiler : :
One Sentence Summary

Zeel delivers an engaging and worthwhile work, but the accumulation of individually insignificant problems (largely fixable pre-release) prevents the case from shining as much as it should.

Does it tell a complete story?

The story is complete in the sense of having a beginning, middle, and end, which is what we wanted. Yet the story doesn't feel complete. The ending defense lobby scene doesn't quite tie in to the rest of the case, as DIE's accusations of compassionlessness take the backseat to the confrontation, and the message of the story isn't clearly connected to the villain's own motive. Zeel has the basis of a really good story here, but it needs extra cohesiveness to fully unfold.

I should mention here that since Zeel had to rush to meet the deadline, it's impressive that he got as far as he did with this!


Is it economical with frame use and pacing?

For the most part, I'd say so! It's easily under the 4000 frame limit. Dialogue is mostly punchy, though I felt that some of the press conversations in the last half of the trial could be trimmed. Cross-examinations all have some good reason for being there, which is a big part in a cross-examination based game.

The, shall we see, inventive way of incorporating the theme is also noted.


Characters/Story

This game is clearly puzzle-based, but tries to integrate characters and story in as well. The idea is commendable, though the execution has its rough patches. The biggest problem is that the bomb threat never really sinks in. It's clear that there's a chance of everybody dying, but it's never made clear what that personally means for anyone. For Phoenix, the mentally unstable poet who seems to make a complete recovery, or anyone. Just "there's a bomb, and bombs are bad!" That, I think, was a real missed opportunity for this case, and one that a good tester would have pointed out, had you had the time to get one.


Gameplay/Puzzles

These were hit and miss. I won't go into too much detail here, as that would be a bore for our readers, but while there were some solid contradictions and presents here, there were a fair number that could use more explanation or tweaking to be clearer, and some alternate presents that need to be caught. I can PM you notes upon request.

Presentation

Remarkably solid. Ah, I forgot how good Zeel's music selections could be. Portsman remains awesome. A minor gripe - evidence displays in the beginning for a split second.

Overall

There's been a motif of "testers" throughout this review because this game, while it has a lot in its favor, has minor irritations that do a number to the case. I certainly don't expect the case to be perfect, but getting testers would have helped you so much! It's a good case now, but I'd advise holding off on the release until you can finally give this case the polish it deserves.
... And while I'm at it, might as well do that other thing. Second and third place were extremely tight, but...
Spoiler : Third Place :
DragonTrainer's Turnabout Truth
Spoiler : Second Place :
Zeel's Turnabout Time Limit
Spoiler : First Place :
DWaM and enigma's The Assisstant's Turnabout
[D]isordered speech is not so much injury to the lips that give it forth, as to the disproportion and incoherence of things in themselves, so negligently expressed. ~ Ben Jonson
User avatar
Ferdielance
Posts: 778
Joined: Sun Mar 09, 2008 12:46 am
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English

Re: Short and Sweet

Post by Ferdielance »

Thanks again to all our participants! We're quite happy with the turnout!
"A slow sort of country!" said the Queen. "Now, here, you see, it takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place. If you want to get somewhere else, you must run at least twice as fast as that!"
User avatar
kwando1313
Posts: 7684
Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2008 6:33 pm
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English, Français (un peu), Ancient Belkan
Location: Uminari City

Re: Short and Sweet

Post by kwando1313 »

'Gratz DWaM/enigma. Your case was pretty damn awesome, and a very well deserved winner.
Avatar made by Rimuu~

Image

"The Knight of the Iron Hammer, Vita, and the Steel Count, Graf Eisen. There's nothing in this world we can't destroy."
User avatar
enigma
Posts: 3421
Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2011 11:05 am
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: miaou
Location: dancecat's heaven
Contact:

Re: Short and Sweet

Post by enigma »

Thank you so much! I'm speechless, honestly. Now I can finally say I've won a case comp. I am invincible!

Seriously, though. This was a big surprise to me and I'm just blown away. Also, a big thank you to all the other competitors! I can't wait to play all your entries.

now to make the next comp theme be katamari damacy or chulip >:3
User avatar
Enthalpy
Community Manager
Posts: 5169
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2012 4:40 am
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English, limited Spanish

Re: Short and Sweet

Post by Enthalpy »

Hmm, am I above insta-deleting any Katamari themed competitions? I'll have to think about that.
[D]isordered speech is not so much injury to the lips that give it forth, as to the disproportion and incoherence of things in themselves, so negligently expressed. ~ Ben Jonson
User avatar
kwando1313
Posts: 7684
Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2008 6:33 pm
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English, Français (un peu), Ancient Belkan
Location: Uminari City

Re: Short and Sweet

Post by kwando1313 »

Laaaaaaaaaaaaaa la la laaaaaaaaaaa Katamari Damacy?

What? You don't like the idea of a competition slowly being built up to a conclusion of universe-sized proportions?
Avatar made by Rimuu~

Image

"The Knight of the Iron Hammer, Vita, and the Steel Count, Graf Eisen. There's nothing in this world we can't destroy."
User avatar
DragonTrainer
Posts: 166
Joined: Fri Apr 20, 2012 6:41 pm
Spoken languages: English

Re: Short and Sweet

Post by DragonTrainer »

Congrats to both Enigma and DWaM! I look forward to trying out your case myself (assuming you're going to publish it). XD

Anyways, 3rd place, eh? I'm quite happy with that. I was already satisfied with the two reviews and I'm glad I decided to give this comp a try. Maybe next time, I'll try teaming up with someone. ^_^
Enthalpy wrote:DragonTrainer's Turnabout Truth
Spoiler : :
One Sentence Summary

DragonTrainer gives us a case with surprisingly solid mechanics, even before factoring for this being DT’s first case and made in about a week, but it needs a bit more work to become truly engaging.


Does it tell a complete story?

For the most part, yes! The one caveat here is that this case opens up a new conflict between Astrea Childe and Kristoph Gavin, which is nowhere close to resolved by the end of this. It’s a large, but single, loose end.

Is it economical with frame use and pacing?

Any complaints I have here would be simply pedantic. This case passes!

Characters/Story

This entry has nice narrative touches, but clearly isn’t narratively focused. While the defendant in this case is actually a friend of ours, and there are clear mentions of Astrea and Mana spending time together, most characters feel generic. The case also feels low on tension (the final present accepted), which combine to make the case’s atmosphere hard to find. This may be personal preference.

That said, DragonTrainer’s characters have some moments to shine. The case detective is given a meaningful mini-arc that works well, but lacks poignancy due to us not having seen Roxanne and Mana outside the case. Astrea’s relative passivity also helps her characterization immensely, though I still struggle to come up with an idea of who she is. I think adding some inner monologue here would help immensely. Oh, and of course, there’s that final piece of evidence…

All in all, however, the characterization is incredible for a first-case.


Gameplay/Puzzles

As Ferdielance notes, almost everything here is fairly easy, and derived from the first two cases. That said, they work surprisingly well and avoid most of the errors common to games with a trial segment. The final in-trial present is something that the player can’t logically get from what they have to work with, and the timing of Gatewater Land should be clearer. Presentation on contradictions also feels vaguely off. I can’t place the exact problem, but this problem interests me enough that I”ll be willing to take a look at it later upon request.

That I can distill my problems here into a paragraph is a testament to just how solid the gameplay in this game is. Everything is fair, and startlingly well-designed! No evidence clutter! Everything makes sense in hindsight! All the testimonies have a point! We even have repeat use of evidence! Well done here!


Presentation

This entry sticks to the Ace Attorney feel, so presentation is never anything as fancy as you’d see in a case by, say, DWaM. Custom sprites improve the case significantly, and for the most part, there are no hitches. Some commas are missing, some double spaces showed up when I played this on v6, and I’d have liked less caps lock, but those are all really minor.

Overall

This isn’t a real knockout case, more a solid piece, but this is a first case made in a week. By those standards, this is fantastic! The theme relevance doesn’t hurt either. While this piece could be made more engaging, I definitely hope to see more from DragonTrainer.
I wouldn't mind if you took another look at it later. I'm a little curious about that problem as well.
Image
Image
User avatar
Reecer6
Posts: 456
Joined: Sun Oct 23, 2011 11:45 pm
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English and, for the most part, Spanish

Re: Short and Sweet

Post by Reecer6 »

Honestly? Honestly... I've imagined a case where everyone is one of the Katamari cousins before.
Although I've never given it a thought of making it actually reality, if it were a competition, I would make some weird Katamari on the Turnabout in a heart beat for a compo.

Anyways, congrats DWaM and enigma! I know nothing about your actual entry but there's a good chance you two deserved it. You've got a lot of experience, anyways.
~~~Image~~~
I have a tumblr, check it out!
The Fury Wraith wrote:''Now I'm SERIOUS!''

Desmyrr grabs his LEMON!
User avatar
Blizdi
Posts: 388
Joined: Wed Jul 03, 2013 3:39 pm
Spoken languages: English

Re: Short and Sweet

Post by Blizdi »

When I think of a Katamari-themed case I think of...

"A case that starts off looking like a run of the mill crime, then eventually get's bigger and more complex as it goes on, adding more and more to the structure of the case"
Image
User avatar
Reecer6
Posts: 456
Joined: Sun Oct 23, 2011 11:45 pm
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English and, for the most part, Spanish

Re: Short and Sweet

Post by Reecer6 »

Well, when you put it like that, I'd also love to make a case like that, and also it's actually feasible as like, a theme, or something. buuuuut i'd prefer the literal interpretation, please
~~~Image~~~
I have a tumblr, check it out!
The Fury Wraith wrote:''Now I'm SERIOUS!''

Desmyrr grabs his LEMON!
User avatar
DWaM
Posts: 1763
Joined: Fri Jun 01, 2012 9:23 am
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English
Location: The Kingdom of Ellipses

Re: Short and Sweet

Post by DWaM »

Well, thanks for playing and glad you had fun with it! ya suckers We'll be releasing our entry once we get our hands on the lovely SoCs and fix some stuff up (namely the almighty grammar issues).

Anyways, I should probably announce now that I won't be hosting the next comp, namely due to the time it would end in being inconvenient for me and mainly for the reason that... well, I wanna take part in it! enigma would still be hosting, though. (I assure you, I have no influence over his decisions for the next theme, so that shouldn't be a problem, I imagine). Now, one of the things I was thinking, to avoid him hosting by himself, if at all possible: would Zeel perhaps be allowed (and, of course, if he's interested) to co-host along with enigma? It's a bit of a strange arrangement, but... ya know. It's a thought, at least.
User avatar
kwando1313
Posts: 7684
Joined: Tue Jul 22, 2008 6:33 pm
Gender: Male
Spoken languages: English, Français (un peu), Ancient Belkan
Location: Uminari City

Re: Short and Sweet

Post by kwando1313 »

dwam no, you are not going to go for five case comps won
Avatar made by Rimuu~

Image

"The Knight of the Iron Hammer, Vita, and the Steel Count, Graf Eisen. There's nothing in this world we can't destroy."
Locked