Coolio's Story time (Post your ideas)

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Coolio's Story time (Post your ideas)

Post by cooliodude »

Hello my AAO friends!

I am Cooliodude and I have created this topic to help me with my writing abilities. I would like to become stronger as a writer and I thought what better place to show off my works then on AAO. :D Most of you are very strong in writing and grammar, etc.; therefore I thought it would be good to do this sort of thing.

I will be keeping my stories as short stories for now as I would like to test various topics and genres and develop more vocabulary and a higher terminology as quickly as possible but still keeping the texts good quality. I will be creating a small chapter story eventually once I feel ready for it (to work on character development, plot, etc.). Sometimes I might put a poll up with various topics and I would like for you to choose which one you'd want me to write about (I will choose the one with the most votes obviously) or I might even post on this thread asking you guys which genre/topic I should do (I'll take the one I would be most interested in writing about). But I wont let you guys have all the fun, I will choose my own topics from time to time.

Please give me feedback after you have read my work. It will really help a lot in the long run. I accept good and bad criticism but if you can please give more positive then negative or do the "sandwich" format (bread=good, filling=bad, bread=tips and tricks). It really demotivates you if all you receive is negative criticism. So thanks in advance.

My first story will be coming soon and I would like for you guys to post suggestions in the form of posts below.

Thanks guys. :D

Your friend,

Cooliodude


Stories so far
Spoiler : To kick things off :
This here is a story that I did for an English class assignment. Hope you enjoy. :D

Sin of a witch



The sun radiated upon the town square where housed the branches that would soon burn a devil, a monster, a witch. From the west a carpet of black clouds were rolling in, blocking out the colours of the countryside as it rolled along. The sounds of thunder could be heard in the distance. Echoing through the countryside like drums in a silent dining hall.

The peasants flocked to the square like vultures circling a dead carcass. This was a big event to the people of Ekrewood. The isolated village rarely housed any special events; festivals, parties, feasts, were all treasured moments in the lives of an Ekrewood citizen. A witch burning was one of these events, as the witches kept their business in secret, for obvious reasons, so they were rarely brought to justice.

Witches were all the same. Carrot-heads or red-haired girls who lost faith in religion and turned to the ways and sorcery and alchemy were always tried as witches. They usually always put up residence in the nearby forest in a tiny shack or in a cavern. They live secluded lives from the rest of the world to reduce their chance of being caught, rarely seeing other witches at the fear of big groups equalling a higher chance of being caught.

The guards went down to the barred cell of the magic-user. The cell's bars were beginning to rust near the bottom, due to the morning dew that would collect at the bottom of the bar. The smells of the dungeons were musty and grimy, hints of rat urine and fecal matter could also be found in the mix of odours. One of the guards slotted a key into the keyhole, turned the bronze object to the left till a click was heard; he then turned the key back to the right, pulled the object out and pushed the barred door open.

The witch sat still in the far right corner of the cell, in a foetal position. She was murmuring to herself, probably chanting an ancient hymn of protection or whispering a curse to them all. The guards slowly moved to her, weary of what she could do to them. Three guards filled the cell; lowering the chances for any escape.

The three men jolted themselves at the woman with the speed of a viper. She immediately tried to squirm out of the grip of the vipers like a fish attempting to flee from the grasp of the fisherman. The men had a titan's grip on her; she would never be able to escape. Despite heavy struggling they got her past her cell door, then the dungeon's door, and then out into the streets of Ekrewood. She was still being a fish attempting escape; though she still could not break the hold. Two guards in heavy plate armour with battleaxes were included in the group, one on either side of the group, in case things got too out of hand.

The wind started to pick up as the group reached the milestone of 200 feet from the mound of wood. The group went slowly as to develop suspense and anxiety amongst the crowd that had gathered. The people who would be in the way of the armoured gang started to ease their way backwards and create a path, through the crowd, straight to the large wood pile. The dark clouds started to eclipse the sun, drowning all happiness from the earth.

The witch spat on the face of the guard holding her right arm. It dripped from his nose and a drop hit his lips. His immediate reaction to this gesture was to wipe his face. He used his left arm to clear the dirty mixture of dirt and mucus from his face and continued to hold the girl with his right. She could still not break free despite this event. They finally reached their destination.

The woman looked in awe and her wide saucers started to flood with liquid. The guards waited a few seconds to allow her to recollect herself a bit. They forcefully pushed her onto the cobblestone street below their feet. Her left knee started to bleed slightly, she let go a slight scream. One of the guards went to fetch a jar of oil nearby, he took it and poured it overtop of the female. She started spitting out all the oil that lathered the inside of her mouth harshly at the ground as if it was its fault that she was here. She then broke down and cried.

The guards took hold of her again, this time without struggle, and took her to the stage on which she would stand on, be tied, and be burned. Metal was used to furnace the army with weapons and armour so the guards used ropes instead of chains and cuffs. They tied her feet to the boards beneath her and her hands to couple of the sticks set for the fire; they were sturdy so she could not get away.

A peasant from the crowd started running towards the witch with a knife; he shouted threats at her as he ran, pushing people out of his way, injuring an elderly couple in the process. The guards caught him before he even got on the stage and hauled him away. One of the heavier armoured guards took a club, the tip wrapped in cloth, went to the witch and rubbed the cloth tipped end on her oiled body. He walked over to a small bonfire that was near one of the houses encircling the crowd and put the club into the fire. The cloth immediately started to burn. He then went back to the stage and threw the torch to a little pile of kindling that was underneath the stage.

The kindling instantaneously started to erupt into flame, quickly spreading to the underside of the stage. It seems the platform got hot quickly for the carrot-haired female was on her tip-toes and hopping every few seconds. The stage caught fire and the woman started to scream. The crowd burst out into laughter. Claps and cheers were heard from the group that gathered.
The main pile of branches finally ignited. The clothing the woman wore was the first thing to turn ablaze; then a few seconds after the woman herself combusted and screamed out at the public. Her words scared the public, sent chills down their spines, and tormented their souls. The crowd fell silent. The wives placed a hand over the eyes of their young; the children tried to pry their mother's fingers apart but were unsuccessful.

The witch's skin was starting to blister and peel. The disgusting odour of flesh searing in immense heat could be smelt throughout the village. Screams and cries were still being heard from the woman despite her being half-burned alive. Bones were now visible threw the flames. Her left tibia, right femur, and her jaw were slowly being revealed. Eventually all that was left of her was her bones, piled where she had been standing only moments before. Her last breath was a whispered prayer for forgiveness to the heavens.

Ten minutes later it started to rain. To the liking of everyone that attended, the wind had calmed down during the burning so a flash-over was of no concern. The clouds fully covered the sky now and the earth had an eerie orange glow. All the towns-folk thought it was a curse the witch had placed upon them so they ran to their houses. The guards went over to the bones and placed them into a clay container. The container was held together by a rope and finally the container was thrown into the nearby river.

The village didn't stop burning witches after this case. They continued to burn them for the same reasons; either they were red or carrot haired, or they were caught with old books containing writings that were not commonly known. The witches burned for another two-hundred years.
Last edited by cooliodude on Sun Jul 22, 2012 1:02 am, edited 2 times in total.
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I've always wanted to have some nice Yak butter tea with a nice steak with some toadstools and gravy on top


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Re: Coolio's Story time (Post your ideas)

Post by DLA »

I personally like mysteries/thrillers. Sounds pretty neat.
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Re: Coolio's Story time (Post your ideas)

Post by Spongesonic »

If you want to become a better writer, you have to step outside your comfort zone.

What is you comfort zone?
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Re: Coolio's Story time (Post your ideas)

Post by cooliodude »

I like writing in fantasy settings/medieval.
Last edited by cooliodude on Fri Jul 20, 2012 4:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
† I have accepted Jesus Christ as my savior and am proud of it! Copy and paste this if you are too.†

~~Married to ZetaAzuel~~

Check out Cooliodude's Timeline for an awesome RPing experience.

Spicy lady farther down :D

I've always wanted to have some nice Yak butter tea with a nice steak with some toadstools and gravy on top


Creator of Mi Yung in Requiem of the Shadows
Creator of Yui Sung in The Haruhism game
Creator of Sawyer Wellington in Town of the Extraordinary
Creator of Gustovinik Smirkov in my RP, Shadow Brothers
Creator of John Rodney in my RP, Shadow Brothers
Creator of Miitock in my RP A Bloodline Crushed
Creator of Jean-Luc in the RP Endless Time

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Re: Coolio's Story time (Post your ideas)

Post by Spongesonic »

Okay. I suggest writing a realistic story set in modern times.
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Re: Coolio's Story time (Post your ideas)

Post by LunchPolice »

Try focusing on a solid, consistent and likeable character.
I make stuff sometimes
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Re: Coolio's Story time (Post your ideas)

Post by Reyson »

And spell "medieval" correctly. Or anything else. Spelling counts.
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Re: Coolio's Story time (Post your ideas)

Post by cooliodude »

*Edit: So a mystery, modern day time setting, short story.... sounds pretty good. I like it. :D
*Edit: I think I'll just keep it modern day for now. I'll make a couple of stories on that I'll try a different time period. I guess right now is time period testing :D .
† I have accepted Jesus Christ as my savior and am proud of it! Copy and paste this if you are too.†

~~Married to ZetaAzuel~~

Check out Cooliodude's Timeline for an awesome RPing experience.

Spicy lady farther down :D

I've always wanted to have some nice Yak butter tea with a nice steak with some toadstools and gravy on top


Creator of Mi Yung in Requiem of the Shadows
Creator of Yui Sung in The Haruhism game
Creator of Sawyer Wellington in Town of the Extraordinary
Creator of Gustovinik Smirkov in my RP, Shadow Brothers
Creator of John Rodney in my RP, Shadow Brothers
Creator of Miitock in my RP A Bloodline Crushed
Creator of Jean-Luc in the RP Endless Time

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Re: Coolio's Story time (Post your ideas)

Post by cooliodude »

Here is something you guys can look over while I write my first "real" story for this thread. Please don't forget to leave comments, etc. There might be a few spelling errors but there should be very few so don't give e heck if you see one k? Thanks. :D
Spoiler : To kick things off :
This here is a story that I did for an English class assignment. Hope you enjoy. :D

Sin of a witch



The sun radiated upon the town square where housed the branches that would soon burn a devil, a monster, a witch. From the west a carpet of black clouds were rolling in, blocking out the colours of the countryside as it rolled along. The sounds of thunder could be heard in the distance. Echoing through the countryside like drums in a silent dining hall.

The peasants flocked to the square like vultures circling a dead carcass. This was a big event to the people of Ekrewood. The isolated village rarely housed any special events; festivals, parties, feasts, were all treasured moments in the lives of an Ekrewood citizen. A witch burning was one of these events, as the witches kept their business in secret, for obvious reasons, so they were rarely brought to justice.

Witches were all the same. Carrot-heads or red-haired girls who lost faith in religion and turned to the ways and sorcery and alchemy were always tried as witches. They usually always put up residence in the nearby forest in a tiny shack or in a cavern. They live secluded lives from the rest of the world to reduce their chance of being caught, rarely seeing other witches at the fear of big groups equalling a higher chance of being caught.

The guards went down to the barred cell of the magic-user. The cell's bars were beginning to rust near the bottom, due to the morning dew that would collect at the bottom of the bar. The smells of the dungeons were musty and grimy, hints of rat urine and fecal matter could also be found in the mix of odours. One of the guards slotted a key into the keyhole, turned the bronze object to the left till a click was heard; he then turned the key back to the right, pulled the object out and pushed the barred door open.

The witch sat still in the far right corner of the cell, in a foetal position. She was murmuring to herself, probably chanting an ancient hymn of protection or whispering a curse to them all. The guards slowly moved to her, weary of what she could do to them. Three guards filled the cell; lowering the chances for any escape.

The three men jolted themselves at the woman with the speed of a viper. She immediately tried to squirm out of the grip of the vipers like a fish attempting to flee from the grasp of the fisherman. The men had a titan's grip on her; she would never be able to escape. Despite heavy struggling they got her past her cell door, then the dungeon's door, and then out into the streets of Ekrewood. She was still being a fish attempting escape; though she still could not break the hold. Two guards in heavy plate armour with battleaxes were included in the group, one on either side of the group, in case things got too out of hand.

The wind started to pick up as the group reached the milestone of 200 feet from the mound of wood. The group went slowly as to develop suspense and anxiety amongst the crowd that had gathered. The people who would be in the way of the armoured gang started to ease their way backwards and create a path, through the crowd, straight to the large wood pile. The dark clouds started to eclipse the sun, drowning all happiness from the earth.

The witch spat on the face of the guard holding her right arm. It dripped from his nose and a drop hit his lips. His immediate reaction to this gesture was to wipe his face. He used his left arm to clear the dirty mixture of dirt and mucus from his face and continued to hold the girl with his right. She could still not break free despite this event. They finally reached their destination.

The woman looked in awe and her wide saucers started to flood with liquid. The guards waited a few seconds to allow her to recollect herself a bit. They forcefully pushed her onto the cobblestone street below their feet. Her left knee started to bleed slightly, she let go a slight scream. One of the guards went to fetch a jar of oil nearby, he took it and poured it overtop of the female. She started spitting out all the oil that lathered the inside of her mouth harshly at the ground as if it was its fault that she was here. She then broke down and cried.

The guards took hold of her again, this time without struggle, and took her to the stage on which she would stand on, be tied, and be burned. Metal was used to furnace the army with weapons and armour so the guards used ropes instead of chains and cuffs. They tied her feet to the boards beneath her and her hands to couple of the sticks set for the fire; they were sturdy so she could not get away.

A peasant from the crowd started running towards the witch with a knife; he shouted threats at her as he ran, pushing people out of his way, injuring an elderly couple in the process. The guards caught him before he even got on the stage and hauled him away. One of the heavier armoured guards took a club, the tip wrapped in cloth, went to the witch and rubbed the cloth tipped end on her oiled body. He walked over to a small bonfire that was near one of the houses encircling the crowd and put the club into the fire. The cloth immediately started to burn. He then went back to the stage and threw the torch to a little pile of kindling that was underneath the stage.

The kindling instantaneously started to erupt into flame, quickly spreading to the underside of the stage. It seems the platform got hot quickly for the carrot-haired female was on her tip-toes and hopping every few seconds. The stage caught fire and the woman started to scream. The crowd burst out into laughter. Claps and cheers were heard from the group that gathered.
The main pile of branches finally ignited. The clothing the woman wore was the first thing to turn ablaze; then a few seconds after the woman herself combusted and screamed out at the public. Her words scared the public, sent chills down their spines, and tormented their souls. The crowd fell silent. The wives placed a hand over the eyes of their young; the children tried to pry their mother's fingers apart but were unsuccessful.

The witch's skin was starting to blister and peel. The disgusting odour of flesh searing in immense heat could be smelt throughout the village. Screams and cries were still being heard from the woman despite her being half-burned alive. Bones were now visible threw the flames. Her left tibia, right femur, and her jaw were slowly being revealed. Eventually all that was left of her was her bones, piled where she had been standing only moments before. Her last breath was a whispered prayer for forgiveness to the heavens.

Ten minutes later it started to rain. To the liking of everyone that attended, the wind had calmed down during the burning so a flash-over was of no concern. The clouds fully covered the sky now and the earth had an eerie orange glow. All the towns-folk thought it was a curse the witch had placed upon them so they ran to their houses. The guards went over to the bones and placed them into a clay container. The container was held together by a rope and finally the container was thrown into the nearby river.

The village didn't stop burning witches after this case. They continued to burn them for the same reasons; either they were red or carrot haired, or they were caught with old books containing writings that were not commonly known. The witches burned for another two-hundred years.
P.S. I also posted this story in the OP.
† I have accepted Jesus Christ as my savior and am proud of it! Copy and paste this if you are too.†

~~Married to ZetaAzuel~~

Check out Cooliodude's Timeline for an awesome RPing experience.

Spicy lady farther down :D

I've always wanted to have some nice Yak butter tea with a nice steak with some toadstools and gravy on top


Creator of Mi Yung in Requiem of the Shadows
Creator of Yui Sung in The Haruhism game
Creator of Sawyer Wellington in Town of the Extraordinary
Creator of Gustovinik Smirkov in my RP, Shadow Brothers
Creator of John Rodney in my RP, Shadow Brothers
Creator of Miitock in my RP A Bloodline Crushed
Creator of Jean-Luc in the RP Endless Time

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Re: Coolio's Story time (Post your ideas)

Post by Bad Player »

cooliodude wrote:
Spoiler : :
Sin of a witch



The sun radiated upon the town square which(?) housed the branches that would soon burn a devil, a monster, a witch. (Did you mean to say "which"? This sentence is kind of confusing... Also, from the title, I imagine you want to emphasize the witch part, so maybe you could change it to "a devil, a monster.... A witch.") From the west a carpet of black clouds were rolling in,(Nice imagery, but since clouds are in the sky (above) and a carpet is something that goes on the floor (below), it sounds kinda weird to me) blocking out the colours of the countryside as it rolled along.(This sounds a bit strange coming right after "The sun radiated upon...") The sounds of Thunder could be heard in the distance., echoing through the countryside like drums in a silent dining hall. ("The sound of" is redundant; thunder IS sound. I combined the two sentences for better flow. I see no reason to specify it as a "dining" hall.)

The peasants flocked to the square like vultures circling a dead carcass.("Flocking" is different from "circling".) This was a big event to the people of Ekrewood.(I would take this sentence out; it's redundant with the next one.) The isolated village rarely housed any special events; festivals, parties, and feasts, were all treasured moments in the lives of an Ekrewood citizen. A witch burning was one of these events, as the witches kept their business in secret and were rarely brought to justice. (This is a fantasy world... We don't know for sure what the "obvious" reasons are. It also breaks up the flow of the sentence, so I took it out.)

Witches were all the same. Carrot-heads or Red-haired girls who lost faith in religion and turned to the ways and sorcery and alchemy were always tried as witches.(First, you don't need to say "carrot-haired or red-haired"; they're the same thing. Second, from the first sentence in the paragraph, it sounds like you're going to tell us what witches are. Therefore, I took out the last part of the sentence, so that this sentences becomes a description of what witches are.) They usually always ("usually always" is contradictory) put up residence in a tiny shack in a nearby forest or in a cavern. (The shack is in the forest, not the other way around, no? :P I also changed it to "a" forest rather than "the" forest, so that it sounds like you're talking about witches in general, not just the ones in Ekrewood.) They live secluded lives from the rest of the world to avoid being caught, rarely seeing other witches at the fear of big groups having a higher chance of being caught. ("avoid" is just a much more concise way to say the same thing. I also think "having" is the proper word rather than "equaling".)

The guards went down to the barred cell of the magic-user. (What kind of cell isn't barred? ^^') The cell's bars were beginning to rust near the bottom, due to the morning dew that would collect at the bottom of the bar. (Unless this ends up being important later, I think you could do without this sentence.) The smells of the dungeons were musty and grimy, with hints of rat urine and feces. One of the guards carefully opened the cell with a bronze key. (I understand your desire to detail, but a drawn-out description of the unlocking of a door with a key is a boring place to put it. It just bogs down the story and doesn't really add anything.)

The witch sat still in the far right corner of the cell, in a foetal position. She was murmuring to herself, probably chanting an ancient hymn of protection or whispering a curse to them all. The guards slowly moved to her, weary of what she could do to them. Three guards filled the cell, eliminating the chance of escape. (That was an incorrect semi-colon there. A semi-colon should be used to connect two complete sentences; if you replace the semicolon with a period, you should get two perfectly fine sentences. "lowing the chances for any escape" is not a sentence. I changed it to "eliminating" just to be more absolute. Finally, I'd recommend switching the order of this and the previous sentence; shouldn't the guards enter the cell before approaching her?)

The three men jolted themselves at the woman with the speed of a viper. She immediately tried to squirm out of the grip of the men (ehh, don't really like continuing the metaphor here, especially since you have another one immediately after) like a fish attempting to flee from the grasp of a fisherman. (I don't really like this simile, since fishermen don't (typically) physically grasp the fish.) The men had a titan's grip on her; she would never be able to escape. Despite heavy struggling they got her out of her cell door, then the dungeon's door, and finally into the streets of Ekrewood. (I think it flows better this way.) She was still being a fish attempting escape, (uhh.... she didn't turn herself into a fish with magic, right? ^^' You could say "squirming like a fish" instead of "being a fish". Also, another wrong semicolon.) though she still could not break the hold. Two guards in heavy plate armour with battleaxes were included in the group, one on either side of the group, in case things got too out of hand. (Wait when did they get here? If they just arrived now, instead of saying that they were there, you should say that they arrived.)

The wind started to pick up as the group reached the milestone of 200 feet from the mound of wood. The group went slowly as to develop suspense and anxiety amongst the crowd that had gathered. The people who would be in the way of the armoured gang started to ease their way backwards and create a path, through the crowd, straight to the large wood pile. The dark clouds started to eclipse the sun, drowning all happiness from the earth. (Wh... What? That last part is just... weird to me.)

The witch spat on the face of the guard holding her right arm. The spit dripped from his nose and a drop hit his lips. His immediate reaction to this gesture was to wipe his face. He used his left arm to clear the dirty mixture of dirt and mucus from his face and continued to hold the girl with his right, but she could still not break freedespite this event. (Better flow imo. Also weren't 3 guards holding her?) They finally reached their destination.

The woman looked in awe and her wide saucers started to flood with liquid. For that second part, just say "and her eyes started to well with tears". No need to be so needlessly... whatever it is xP The guards waited a few seconds to allow her to recollect herself a bit. They forcefully pushed her onto the cobblestone street below their feet. Her left knee started to bleed slightly, she let go a slight scream. One of the guards went to fetch a jar of oil nearby, he took it and poured it overtop of the female. She started spitting out all the oil that lathered the inside of her mouth harshly at the ground as if it was its fault that she was here. She then broke down and cried.

The guards took hold of her again, this time without struggle, and took her to the stage on which she would stand on, be tied, and be burned. Metal was used to furnace the army with weapons and armour so the guards used ropes instead of chains and cuffs. (...I don't get this sentence at all.) They tied her feet to the boards beneath her and her hands to couple of the sticks set for the fire; they were sturdy so she could not get away.

A peasant from the crowd started running towards the witch with a knife; he shouted threats at her as he ran, pushing people out of his way, injuring an elderly couple in the process. The guards caught him before he even got on the stage and hauled him away. One of the heavier armoured guards took a club, the tip wrapped in cloth, went to the witch and rubbed the cloth tipped end on her oiled body. He walked over to a small bonfire that was near one of the houses encircling the crowd and put the club into the fire. The cloth immediately started to burn. He then went back to the stage and threw the torch to a little pile of kindling that was underneath the stage.

The kindling instantaneously started ("instantaneously started" seems a bit weird to me. I'd take one of them out.) to erupt into flame, quickly spreading to the underside of the stage. It seems the platform got hot quickly, for the carrot-haired female was on her tip-toes and hopping every few seconds. The stage caught fire and the woman started to scream. The crowd burst out into laughter. Claps and cheers were heard from the group that gathered.

The main pile of branches finally ignited. The clothing the woman wore was the first thing to turn ablaze; then a few seconds after the woman herself combusted and screamed out at the public. Her words scared the public, sent chills down their spines, and tormented their souls. The crowd fell silent. The wives placed a hand over the eyes of their young; the children tried to pry their mother's fingers apart but were unsuccessful.

The witch's skin was starting to blister and peel. The disgusting odour of flesh searing in immense heat could be smelt throughout the village. Screams and cries were still being heard from the woman despite her being half-burned alive. Bones were now visible threw the flames. Her left tibia, right femur, and her jaw were slowly being revealed. Eventually all that was left of her was her bones, piled where she had been standing only moments before. Her last breath was a whispered prayer for forgiveness to the heavens.
(lol I just skimmed the past 2 paragraphs ^^")

Ten minutes later it started to rain. To the liking of everyone that attended, the wind had calmed down during the burning so a flash-over was of no concern. The clouds fully covered the sky now and the earth had an eerie orange glow. All the towns-folk thought it was a curse the witch had placed upon them so they ran to their houses. The guards went over to the bones and placed them into a clay container. The container was held together by a rope and finally the container was thrown into the nearby river.

The village didn't stop burning witches after this case. They continued to burn them for the same reasons; either they were red or carrot haired, or they were caught with old books containing writings that were not commonly known. The witches burned for another two-hundred years. (...W-Wait, so, what was so unique about this burning? And what happens in 200 years that gets them to stop? o.O)

(Hmm, well... It's not bad, but I think that biggest problem is that, especially with that last sentence, in the end the story doesn't really feel like it had a point or any significance. I think you have good descriptions and imagery. There are a few other general problems and things I would comment on (that I already mentioned in the specific comments), but I think most of them just get solved with time and practice.)
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cooliodude
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Re: Coolio's Story time (Post your ideas)

Post by cooliodude »

Thanks BP for the comments/tips/criticism. I will take them all into consideration when I'm writing my next story. :D
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I've always wanted to have some nice Yak butter tea with a nice steak with some toadstools and gravy on top


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DKJustice1
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Re: Coolio's Story time (Post your ideas)

Post by DKJustice1 »

Tip: Let the character show who they are do not just tell us.

here are some examples

Jimmy the large fat boy in a blue shirt was eating chocolate,

or

Jimmy pulled out a chocolate bar and beamed at his friends,
" That's your eighth today, You are getting porky,"

She paused and shook her head
" We don't have time to wait,"

She sighed as she had the face back it was not his fault it was the foods.
she had been there once 27 stone and dying of a heart attack.
Now to her horror she is watching the same thing happen to her younger brother.
Ace Attorney Poem.

What a crime is done.
Gumshoe's has come.
His name is Dick.
It's a point and click.


To find a clue
or maybe a few.
To made your point of view.

In the trial
where every one stares
the judge does glare.


Objections fly from everywhere!
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