Sin of a witch
The sun radiated upon the town square
which(?) housed the branches that would soon burn a devil, a monster, a witch.
(Did you mean to say "which"? This sentence is kind of confusing... Also, from the title, I imagine you want to emphasize the witch part, so maybe you could change it to "a devil, a monster.... A witch.") From the west a carpet of black clouds were rolling in,
(Nice imagery, but since clouds are in the sky (above) and a carpet is something that goes on the floor (below), it sounds kinda weird to me) blocking out the colours of the countryside as it rolled along.
(This sounds a bit strange coming right after "The sun radiated upon...") The sounds of Thunder could be heard in the distance
., echoing through the countryside like drums in a silent
dining hall.
("The sound of" is redundant; thunder IS sound. I combined the two sentences for better flow. I see no reason to specify it as a "dining" hall.)
The peasants flocked to the square like vultures circling a dead carcass.
("Flocking" is different from "circling".) This was a big event to the people of Ekrewood.(I would take this sentence out; it's redundant with the next one.) The isolated village rarely housed any special events; festivals, parties,
and feasts
, were all treasured moments in the lives of an Ekrewood citizen. A witch burning was one of these events, as the witches kept their business in secret
and were rarely brought to justice.
(This is a fantasy world... We don't know for sure what the "obvious" reasons are. It also breaks up the flow of the sentence, so I took it out.)
Witches were all the same.
Carrot-heads or Red-haired girls who lost faith in religion and turned to the ways and sorcery and alchemy
were always tried as witches.
(First, you don't need to say "carrot-haired or red-haired"; they're the same thing. Second, from the first sentence in the paragraph, it sounds like you're going to tell us what witches are. Therefore, I took out the last part of the sentence, so that this sentences becomes a description of what witches are.) They usually
always ("usually always" is contradictory) put up residence in a tiny shack
in a nearby forest or in a cavern.
(The shack is in the forest, not the other way around, no? I also changed it to "a" forest rather than "the" forest, so that it sounds like you're talking about witches in general, not just the ones in Ekrewood.) They live secluded lives from the rest of the world to
avoid being caught, rarely seeing other witches at the fear of big groups
having a higher chance of being caught.
("avoid" is just a much more concise way to say the same thing. I also think "having" is the proper word rather than "equaling".)
The guards went down to the barred cell of the magic-user. (What kind of cell isn't barred? ^^') The cell's bars were beginning to rust near the bottom, due to the morning dew that would collect at the bottom of the bar.
(Unless this ends up being important later, I think you could do without this sentence.) The smells of the dungeons were musty and grimy,
with hints of rat urine and
feces. One of the guards
carefully opened the cell with a bronze key.
(I understand your desire to detail, but a drawn-out description of the unlocking of a door with a key is a boring place to put it. It just bogs down the story and doesn't really add anything.)
The witch sat still in the far right corner of the cell, in a foetal position. She was murmuring to herself, probably chanting an ancient hymn of protection or whispering a curse to them all. The guards slowly moved to her, weary of what she could do to them. Three guards filled the cell
, eliminating the chance
of escape.
(That was an incorrect semi-colon there. A semi-colon should be used to connect two complete sentences; if you replace the semicolon with a period, you should get two perfectly fine sentences. "lowing the chances for any escape" is not a sentence. I changed it to "eliminating" just to be more absolute. Finally, I'd recommend switching the order of this and the previous sentence; shouldn't the guards enter the cell before approaching her?)
The three men jolted themselves at the woman with the speed of a viper. She immediately tried to squirm out of the grip of the
men (ehh, don't really like continuing the metaphor here, especially since you have another one immediately after) like a fish attempting to flee from the grasp of
a fisherman.
(I don't really like this simile, since fishermen don't (typically) physically grasp the fish.) The men had a titan's grip on her; she would never be able to escape. Despite heavy struggling they got her
out of her cell
door, then the dungeon
's door, and
finally into the streets of Ekrewood.
(I think it flows better this way.) She was still being a fish attempting escape
, (uhh.... she didn't turn herself into a fish with magic, right? ^^' You could say "squirming like a fish" instead of "being a fish". Also, another wrong semicolon.) though she still could not break the hold. Two guards in heavy plate armour with battleaxes were included in the group, one on either side of the group, in case things got too out of hand.
(Wait when did they get here? If they just arrived now, instead of saying that they were there, you should say that they arrived.)
The wind started to pick up as the group reached the milestone of 200 feet from the mound of wood. The group went slowly as to develop suspense and anxiety amongst the crowd that had gathered. The people
who would be in the way of the armoured gang started to ease their way backwards and create a path, through the crowd, straight to the large wood pile. The dark clouds started to eclipse the sun, drowning all happiness from the earth.
(Wh... What? That last part is just... weird to me.)
The witch spat on the face of the guard holding her right arm.
The spit dripped from his nose and a drop hit his lips. His immediate reaction to this gesture was to wipe his face. He used his left arm to clear the dirty mixture of dirt and mucus from his face and continued to hold the girl with his right
, but she could still not break free
despite this event.
(Better flow imo. Also weren't 3 guards holding her?) They finally reached their destination.
The woman looked in awe and her wide saucers started to flood with liquid.
For that second part, just say "and her eyes started to well with tears". No need to be so needlessly... whatever it is xP The guards waited a few seconds to allow her to recollect herself a bit. They forcefully pushed her onto the cobblestone street below their feet. Her left knee started to bleed slightly, she let go a slight scream. One of the guards went to fetch a jar of oil nearby, he took it and poured it overtop of the female. She started spitting out all the oil that lathered the inside of her mouth harshly at the ground as if it was its fault that she was here. She then broke down and cried.
The guards took hold of her again, this time without struggle, and took her to the stage on which she would stand on, be tied, and be burned. Metal was used to furnace the army with weapons and armour so the guards used ropes instead of chains and cuffs.
(...I don't get this sentence at all.) They tied her feet to the boards beneath her and her hands to couple of the sticks set for the fire; they were sturdy so she could not get away.
A peasant from the crowd started running towards the witch with a knife; he shouted threats at her as he ran, pushing people out of his way, injuring an elderly couple in the process. The guards caught him before he even got on the stage and hauled him away. One of the heavier armoured guards took a club, the tip wrapped in cloth, went to the witch and rubbed the cloth tipped end on her oiled body. He walked over to a small bonfire that was near one of the houses encircling the crowd and put the club into the fire. The cloth immediately started to burn. He then went back to the stage and threw the torch to a little pile of kindling that was underneath the stage.
The kindling instantaneously started
("instantaneously started" seems a bit weird to me. I'd take one of them out.) to erupt into flame, quickly spreading to the underside of the stage. It seems the platform got hot quickly
, for the carrot-haired female was on her tip-toes and hopping every few seconds. The stage caught fire and the woman started to scream. The crowd burst out into laughter. Claps and cheers were heard from the group that gathered.
The main pile of branches finally ignited. The clothing the woman wore was the first thing to turn ablaze; then a few seconds after the woman herself combusted and screamed out at the public. Her words scared the public, sent chills down their spines, and tormented their souls. The crowd fell silent. The wives placed a hand over the eyes of their young; the children tried to pry their mother's fingers apart but were unsuccessful.
The witch's skin was starting to blister and peel. The disgusting odour of flesh searing in immense heat could be smelt throughout the village. Screams and cries were still being heard from the woman despite her being half-burned alive. Bones were now visible threw the flames. Her left tibia, right femur, and her jaw were slowly being revealed. Eventually all that was left of her was her bones, piled where she had been standing only moments before. Her last breath was a whispered prayer for forgiveness to the heavens.
(lol I just skimmed the past 2 paragraphs ^^")
Ten minutes later it started to rain. To the liking of everyone that attended, the wind had calmed down during the burning so a flash-over was of no concern. The clouds fully covered the sky now and the earth had an eerie orange glow. All the towns-folk thought it was a curse the witch had placed upon them so they ran to their houses. The guards went over to the bones and placed them into a clay container. The container was held together by a rope and finally the container was thrown into the nearby river.
The village didn't stop burning witches after this case. They continued to burn them for the same reasons; either they were red or carrot haired, or they were caught with old books containing writings that were not commonly known. The witches burned for another two-hundred years.
(...W-Wait, so, what was so unique about this burning? And what happens in 200 years that gets them to stop? o.O)
(Hmm, well... It's not bad, but I think that biggest problem is that, especially with that last sentence, in the end the story doesn't really feel like it had a point or any significance. I think you have good descriptions and imagery. There are a few other general problems and things I would comment on (that I already mentioned in the specific comments), but I think most of them just get solved with time and practice.)