Ryuuma heard Akane Riko's accusations towards Himekawa Suzuno. At the moment, he wasn't quite sure how to react. Sure, he no longer trusted his... Himekawa Suzuno as much as he used to. That much was a given. Ryuuma had tried to forgive. He had tried to forget. He had tried to put aside the anger he had felt towards her. After all... that was what you did, right? When you had somebody you cared about... you ignored their flaws. You tossed aside their mistakes. You attempted to pick up the pieces, and help them move on with their life.
Akane Riko's speech continued... more or less, a thorough analysis of everything that Himekawa Suzuno had done up to that point. And it was true. She had hurt... a lot of people. She had done a lot of damage. To him, to Uezama, and most certainly to Akane Riko. He had hurt people by hiding facts... critical ones. Everybody could have died, due to her lack of openness. Due to her desire to keep a vital piece of evidence a secret from everybody.
... But was it true that she meant for that to be a... total secret? She had entrusted Ryuuma with it, after all. As he recalled... she even gave him a cue when she felt the time was right to present it. Yes, she had hidden the balloon. And that was wrong... it was a misstep that could have cost them all their lives, if done improperly. But...
No. Ryuuma was already taking the first steps into rationalization and apologetics. It was tempting to try and find excuses for all that she had done. For all the damage that she had caused. It... it almost felt like his duty.
But now he was forgetting himself. Hadn't he made a realization last night? The person from... back then... and the person that went by the name Himekawa Suzuno... were completely different people. They had different motivations. They lived different lives. While, perhaps, there were remnants still there... he shouldn't cling to them. He shouldn't be pathetic enough to let sentimentality blind him to the facts. Facts that were staring him in the face.
But... he had tried. He had tried, damnit. That conversation... that conversation that felt like it was so long ago now. He had tried to help her move on. He had tried to... make her... her again. He had wanted her to embrace her past, but accept the present. To move on, to understand that life was different now. To be able for her to... be his sister, but understand that she couldn't cling to the past either. That they could work together, be friends, without desperately clinging to a past life that, at this point, was irretrievable. She had refused.
Did that have a part to play in all this? Was... everything she had done... somehow in service of that? No. It didn't matter. It didn't matter why she had done those things. That shouldn't grant her immunity from criticism. That shouldn't grant automatic forgiveness... no matter how much he wished that it could.
These thoughts all swirled in Ryuuma's head chaotically, Ryuuma's consciousness desperately trying to order them in a coherent sequence. Deal with one of them at a time. It... seemed to be a futile effort. At the moment, his thoughts were a mishmash of firm, stoic judgment, and emotional appeal. Of a desire that "Himekawa Suzuno" pay for her crimes, and a simultaneous desire for her to be given a reprieve. Ryuuma... didn't even know how to feel right now.
Maybe he should keep listening. Maybe that would guide him.
The speech reached its climax. And at that point Ryuuma froze. So Akane Riko thought she knew. She thought she knew what Ryuuma thought he knew. There was no confirmation, of course. But there were too many hints to merely ignore. To toss aside. To simply laugh off and then forget.
And, as Akane Riko finished her speech... Ryuuma couldn't help but feel moved. Yes, it had been directed at... her. It had been a rage-filled condemnation. But... it was, in the end, one that came from the heart. One that, as hard as he might desire to believe otherwise... was deserved.
Uezama and Sabakana Akai then said... stuff. Words. It was beyond Ryuuma's mental processes at the moment to comprehend what was said. And in the end... did it truly matter? Did their thoughts or opinions mean anything to Ryuuma at the moment?
No. They... really didn't. Not to him. Not right now.
Then... she spoke. She actually responded. She wouldn't just walk away in silence. Maybe there was hope. Maybe there was a chance at redemption. Maybe they could work together, and then... well... he wasn't sure what he wanted to happen after that. He just... he didn't know. He would think about that later.
But... her words. They cut. They burned. That was it? That was all any of them would get? She didn't regret the infinite damage that she had done? All the hurt she had caused due to her cruelty? (He paused for a moment. He thought back to the past. To... her smiles. Her laughter. But... they were distorted images now. Damaged. The laugh was more sinister that joyful. The smile had an undercurrent of malice. It was clear... he could never look at her the same way again. Not only had she ruined their present and future... she had taken the girl of his memories down with her as well.)
He shook his head. It was clear that reminiscing was useless. Pointless now. It was time to focus on the present.
That apology was something Uezama deserved. And... would apparently never truly get. But... there was so much more. All the secrets that she had kept. (Not to mention the ones she was probably still keeping.) The pain she had caused. Everything that... had caused him to not be able to trust the person here he wanted to trust the most.
He turned to her. He wanted to scream. He wanted to shout. He wanted to... beg. But he didn't. He couldn't. He wouldn't.
"That's it? You have no regrets. You have no actual apologies. This is all we will ever get from you?" Ryuuma's voice was dull. It was dry and flat.
He wanted to cry, but no tears fell. In the end... perhaps this wasn't worth crying over anymore.
